But when you're standing at a crossroad, There's a choice you gotta make.

I will be happy. I can't say I won't miss him, I can't promise I'll never cry for him again. I can say that I will be me, I will have friends to trust and fall back on. I will pray everyday for him and for me and that we can both live our lives to best potential possible. And I know I will be OK.

Falling in love was the hardest and easiest thing I ever let myself do. Now I have to learn to reverse back out of the mess it became. I myself don't know how you fall in love in a month but it happened. Never once did I doubt my feelings for him. But I can only handle so much before I shut down to any feeling at all. I hit that and I hit it hard. I want to sincerely thank him for making a strong effort to make everything better and to treat me how he should have from the beginning, but I believe it came too little too late. A part of me feels awful that I couldn't do more but after hearing some eye opening things that happened recently and throughout the relationship I could never and will never go back. I will always hold him in my heart as my first love. And I will think of him everyday when I hear certain songs or when I see little things or I'll just think of him because I did 24/7 for so long. All that will fade in time and I know this. But I also know God has bigger plans for me and I need to trust in Him. Giving up is not the way to go but giving time is. Truly working on myself right now is priority and that's my plan. You can't go looking for it you have to let it find you. I've had time for lots of deep thinking lately and lots of deep writing (obviously). And conclusions I've come to are big ones, and I'm going to be a different person. For the good and  better of course, but when things happen you can't let them get you down. Keeping my head up and standing tall and moving on with my life is the best thing I can do. Waking up every morning and knowing I have a whole day of my life ahead will keep me optimistic and happy. I know I will be just fine, it just takes some time to heal.

Love,
ME


I guess it's gonna have to hurt, I guess I'm gonna have to cry, And let go of some things I've loved, To get to the other side, I guess it's gonna break me down, Like falling when you try to fly, It's sad, but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life, Starts with goodbye. --Carrie Underwood "Starts with Goodbye"