Rheumatologist appointment set, October 16.
Paper work done and ready to be sent back to them.
This weather is getting to me like crazy, I've never hurt so bad.
Prayers would be so greatly appreciated.
Training for B-dubs starts Thursday, I need black non-skid shoes. Impossible task to complete so far.
I wanted to do a good post tonight but I'm a little down, and tired and I'll expand on this tomorrow night.
I wanted us all to think of our purpose here. Why God has put us on this earth and what he wants from us. Just a couple verses to think about from my favorite writer/apostle, Paul.
I believe I am here with a purpose. I believe God put me here to live for Him and exercise the talents he gave me. I think it's to make others happy and to keep myself and hopefully in my future career, healthy. I love to be driven and keep going. These verses help me everyday.
1 Corinthians 9:25-27, 25 Everyone who competes in the games exercises self-control in all things. They then do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. 26 Therefore I run in such a way, as not without aim; I box in such a way, as not beating the air; 27 but I discipline my body and make it my slave, so that, after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified.
Philippians 2:3-4, “Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.”
2 Timothy 4:7-8, 7 I have fought the good fight, I have finished the course, I have kept the faith; 8 in the future there is laid up for methe crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day; and not only to me, but also to all who have loved His appearing.
Just something for a few thoughts. I'm off to bed.
Love-
ME
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Monday, September 17, 2012
Power of Prayer ---> Day 2
In my life so much has been going on lately. The past month I've dealt with a tough break-up, rumors, an illness that's still undiagnosed and untreated, and to top it all off, my car of 5 and a half months just died. The transmission went out. Wonderful timing. I look at all these challenges just as they are trial to test my faith and its endurance. Satan throwing things at me to get discouraged and at first it was working, but I looked into it and really started my life change, things that used to bother me don't, I laugh at things that I can;t control and I pray, for everything. Mostly a feeling of contentment in my life that I had previously been lacking, because I'd been searching for the contentment in worldly things that will go away and not on things eternal.
James 1:2-4 Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, 3 knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. 4 And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.
Which bring me to thinking about the importance of prayer. The avenue by which we get to talk to our creator.
James 1:5-8 But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him. 6 But he must ask in faith without any doubting, for the one who doubts is like the surf of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind. 7 For that man ought not to expect that he will receive anything from the Lord, 8 being a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.
Just like we can talk to our best friend about anything we can talk to God about anything. And we should and we shouldn't stop! It's so encouraging to be told we have a God who cares about us and is always listening and urging us to talk to him and share with him.
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 Rejoice always;17 pray without ceasing; 18 in everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.
When you pray don't think you aren't worthy for God to grant your request or he's not going to pay attention to you because you believe that he has more important issues. He wants us to trust Him and wholly lean on Him for everything!
Matthew 21:21-22 21 And Jesus answered and said to them, “Truly I say to you, if you have faith and do not doubt, you will not only do what was done to the fig tree, but even if you say to this mountain, ‘Be taken up and cast into the sea,’ it will happen. 22 And all things you ask in prayer, believing, you will receive.”
Prayer is the best therapy. Sometimes by talking to God and hear ourselves and our problems we find a way to fix them but I believe it's because we brought it to God. He is almighty! He can help you with anything, remember Him when your sad and suffering, but don't forget to thank Him when everything is going well!
James 1:2-4 Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, 3 knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. 4 And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.
Which bring me to thinking about the importance of prayer. The avenue by which we get to talk to our creator.
James 1:5-8 But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him. 6 But he must ask in faith without any doubting, for the one who doubts is like the surf of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind. 7 For that man ought not to expect that he will receive anything from the Lord, 8 being a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.
Just like we can talk to our best friend about anything we can talk to God about anything. And we should and we shouldn't stop! It's so encouraging to be told we have a God who cares about us and is always listening and urging us to talk to him and share with him.
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 Rejoice always;17 pray without ceasing; 18 in everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.
When you pray don't think you aren't worthy for God to grant your request or he's not going to pay attention to you because you believe that he has more important issues. He wants us to trust Him and wholly lean on Him for everything!
Matthew 21:21-22 21 And Jesus answered and said to them, “Truly I say to you, if you have faith and do not doubt, you will not only do what was done to the fig tree, but even if you say to this mountain, ‘Be taken up and cast into the sea,’ it will happen. 22 And all things you ask in prayer, believing, you will receive.”
Prayer is the best therapy. Sometimes by talking to God and hear ourselves and our problems we find a way to fix them but I believe it's because we brought it to God. He is almighty! He can help you with anything, remember Him when your sad and suffering, but don't forget to thank Him when everything is going well!
Sunday, September 16, 2012
What's Your Perspective? --> Day One
I went to a bible study tonight and my friend Jacob presented an amazing totally interactive study, I'll save the post I was planning for tonight to share these wonderful thoughts with you.
"I believe in God (or Christianity) like I believe in the sun, not because I see it, but because I can see everything by it." - C.S. Lewis
This about what that means, and what it means to you.
As the sun produces light for us to see the world, God(Christianity) produces light for us to see the world through God's perspective. The way He created us to live. The way He wants and how we should live. We have to take on God's perspective that he reveals to us in order to do His will and live how we should to reach the ultimate goal of Heaven and to bring lost souls to Christ.
What's your perspective on...
- creation?
- God's blessings in your life?
- the bond you share with your fellow brothers and sisters in Christ?
- dress and speech?
- bringing lost souls to Him?
- your time?
Creation?
Genesis 1:1 states that "In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth." This is a simple fact. But think about all the things we never think of down to the molecular level of creation. Your body began with two cells colliding and now you posses two of the most complicated organs to ever be studied, eyes. Even Darwin himself says the human eye is the flaw to his evolution theory, he simply has no idea how something so complicated could come about. You have certain cells doing certain things all over your body that came from two cells that's it! Opposite end, think how large and vast the universe is, and how God created it all. And in Job 38-40, God reprimands Job for questioning Him in earlier chapters and the way He speaks with such authority because He created everything. I know it's 18 verses, but I couldn't find a fitting stopping place before that..
God's Blessings?
Have you seriously ever sat down and just said Thank You for what God has blessed you with? I have but I plan on doing it so much more. Life is so much sweeter when you think about how much more the good outweighs the bad. Even on your bad days.. Did your car start this morning? Was your shower hot? Did you check your cell phone? Did you eat today? So many simple blessings but we need to remember to never take them for granted and to God be the glory! Always.
James 1:17 17 Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or [a]shifting shadow.
Christian Bond?
Paul is possibly my favorite example of how a human should strive to be, behind Christ, of course. But the bond we share with our fellow Christians is a special one. We're a family, we have a common Father and many many brothers and sisters. We need to treat them and act like a family!! Paul not only wrote letters to many different churches to help and teach and encourage but in Philippians the first chapter he tells how much he thinks of the saints in Philippi, v. 3-4 I thank my God in my remembrance of you, always offering a prayer with joy in my every prayer for you all. He says similar things to many groups but means it! He thinks of his brothers and sisters daily and prays for them!
Hebrews 10:24-25, 24 and let us consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds, 25 not forsaking our own assembling together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another; and all the more as you see the day drawing near.
1 Thessalonians 5:14, 14 We urge you, brethren, admonish the unruly, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with everyone.
Acts 2:42-47, 42 They were continually devoting themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. 43 Everyone kept feeling a sense of awe; and many wonders and signs were taking place through the apostles. 44 And all those who had believed were together and had all things in common; 45 and they began selling their property and possessions and were sharing them with all, as anyone might have need. 46 Day by day continuing with one mind in the temple, and breaking bread from house to house, they were taking their meals together with gladness and sincerity of heart, 47 praising God and having favor with all the people. And the Lord was adding to their number day by day those who were being saved.
"I believe in God (or Christianity) like I believe in the sun, not because I see it, but because I can see everything by it." - C.S. Lewis
This about what that means, and what it means to you.
As the sun produces light for us to see the world, God(Christianity) produces light for us to see the world through God's perspective. The way He created us to live. The way He wants and how we should live. We have to take on God's perspective that he reveals to us in order to do His will and live how we should to reach the ultimate goal of Heaven and to bring lost souls to Christ.
What's your perspective on...
- creation?
- God's blessings in your life?
- the bond you share with your fellow brothers and sisters in Christ?
- dress and speech?
- bringing lost souls to Him?
- your time?
Creation?
Genesis 1:1 states that "In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth." This is a simple fact. But think about all the things we never think of down to the molecular level of creation. Your body began with two cells colliding and now you posses two of the most complicated organs to ever be studied, eyes. Even Darwin himself says the human eye is the flaw to his evolution theory, he simply has no idea how something so complicated could come about. You have certain cells doing certain things all over your body that came from two cells that's it! Opposite end, think how large and vast the universe is, and how God created it all. And in Job 38-40, God reprimands Job for questioning Him in earlier chapters and the way He speaks with such authority because He created everything. I know it's 18 verses, but I couldn't find a fitting stopping place before that..
Job 38:1-18,
Then the Lord answered Job out of the whirlwind and said,
2 “Who is this that darkens counsel
By words without knowledge?
3 “Now gird up your loins like a man,
And I will ask you, and you instruct Me!
4 “Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth?
Tell Me, if you have understanding,
5 Who set its measurements? Since you know.
Or who stretched the line on it?
6 “On what were its bases sunk?
Or who laid its cornerstone,
7 When the morning stars sang together
And all the sons of God shouted for joy?
By words without knowledge?
3 “Now gird up your loins like a man,
And I will ask you, and you instruct Me!
4 “Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth?
Tell Me, if you have understanding,
5 Who set its measurements? Since you know.
Or who stretched the line on it?
6 “On what were its bases sunk?
Or who laid its cornerstone,
7 When the morning stars sang together
And all the sons of God shouted for joy?
8 “Or who enclosed the sea with doors
When, bursting forth, it went out from the womb;
9 When I made a cloud its garment
And thick darkness its swaddling band,
10 And I placed boundaries on it
And set a bolt and doors,
11 And I said, ‘Thus far you shall come, but no farther;
And here shall your proud waves stop’?
When, bursting forth, it went out from the womb;
9 When I made a cloud its garment
And thick darkness its swaddling band,
10 And I placed boundaries on it
And set a bolt and doors,
11 And I said, ‘Thus far you shall come, but no farther;
And here shall your proud waves stop’?
12 “Have you ever in your life commanded the morning,
And caused the dawn to know its place,
13 That it might take hold of the ends of the earth,
And the wicked be shaken out of it?
14 “It is changed like clay under the seal;
And they stand forth like a garment.
15 “From the wicked their light is withheld,
And the uplifted arm is broken.
And caused the dawn to know its place,
13 That it might take hold of the ends of the earth,
And the wicked be shaken out of it?
14 “It is changed like clay under the seal;
And they stand forth like a garment.
15 “From the wicked their light is withheld,
And the uplifted arm is broken.
16 “Have you entered into the springs of the sea
Or walked in the recesses of the deep?
17 “Have the gates of death been revealed to you,
Or have you seen the gates of deep darkness?
18 “Have you understood the expanse of the earth?Tell Me, if you know all this.
Or walked in the recesses of the deep?
17 “Have the gates of death been revealed to you,
Or have you seen the gates of deep darkness?
18 “Have you understood the expanse of the earth?Tell Me, if you know all this.
God's Blessings?
Have you seriously ever sat down and just said Thank You for what God has blessed you with? I have but I plan on doing it so much more. Life is so much sweeter when you think about how much more the good outweighs the bad. Even on your bad days.. Did your car start this morning? Was your shower hot? Did you check your cell phone? Did you eat today? So many simple blessings but we need to remember to never take them for granted and to God be the glory! Always.
James 1:17 17 Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or [a]shifting shadow.
Christian Bond?
Paul is possibly my favorite example of how a human should strive to be, behind Christ, of course. But the bond we share with our fellow Christians is a special one. We're a family, we have a common Father and many many brothers and sisters. We need to treat them and act like a family!! Paul not only wrote letters to many different churches to help and teach and encourage but in Philippians the first chapter he tells how much he thinks of the saints in Philippi, v. 3-4 I thank my God in my remembrance of you, always offering a prayer with joy in my every prayer for you all. He says similar things to many groups but means it! He thinks of his brothers and sisters daily and prays for them!
Hebrews 10:24-25, 24 and let us consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds, 25 not forsaking our own assembling together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another; and all the more as you see the day drawing near.
1 Thessalonians 5:14, 14 We urge you, brethren, admonish the unruly, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with everyone.
Acts 2:42-47, 42 They were continually devoting themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. 43 Everyone kept feeling a sense of awe; and many wonders and signs were taking place through the apostles. 44 And all those who had believed were together and had all things in common; 45 and they began selling their property and possessions and were sharing them with all, as anyone might have need. 46 Day by day continuing with one mind in the temple, and breaking bread from house to house, they were taking their meals together with gladness and sincerity of heart, 47 praising God and having favor with all the people. And the Lord was adding to their number day by day those who were being saved.
Dress and Speech?
Do you believe you get a glimpse into a person's character by what they're wearing and if you get to talk to them how they speak and what's said? I certainly do. Even if we want to "pigeonhole" them into a certain group we need to remember those may be the people we need to help most. And to offer help to them and not shut them off for how they are dressed or what they're saying.
1 Peter 3:4, But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.
Proverbs 10:32, The lips of the righteous bring forth what is acceptable, but the mouth of the wicked what is perverted.
Ephesians 4:29, Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear.
Titus 2:7-8, in all things show yourself to be an example of good deeds, with purity in doctrine, dignified, 8 sound in speech which is beyond reproach, so that the opponent will be put to shame, having nothing bad to say about us.
Lost Souls?
The Lord wants everyone. He loves everyone. He made each person to follow Him and be saved it's our job to go help them and encourage them!
2 Peter 3:9, The Lord is not slow about His promise, as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing for any to perish but for all to come to repentance.
Romans 9:1-3, I am telling the truth in Christ, I am not lying, my conscience testifies with me in the Holy Spirit, 2 that I have great sorrow and unceasing grief in my heart. 3 For I could wish that I myself were accursed, separated from Christ for the sake of my brethren, my kinsmen according to the flesh
Time?
We only have a limited amount of time on this Earth. Make the most of it while you can! What perspective will you use? God's or the world's?
Romans 12:2, And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.
Choose Your Perspective Wisely!!
Love-
ME
Saturday, September 15, 2012
Goal Vertigo
“Anyone whose goal is 'something higher' must expect someday to suffer vertigo. What is vertigo? Fear of falling? No, Vertigo is something other than fear of falling. It is the voice of the emptiness below us which tempts and lures us, it is the desire to fall, against which, terrified, we defend ourselves.”
― Milan Kundera, The Unbearable Lightness of Being
Goals are tricky and sometimes complicated things. You can't set a goal you're not 100% committed to reaching. Setting a goal is more than just saying it or thinking about it, it's putting everything into reaching that goal and pushing yourself toward it every single day.
Man, have I been a horrible goal setter. I have sets little goals but never pushed myself to achieve them. One of my earlier posts I had all these goals. I really want to know what happened to them. What happened to the enthusiasm we have when we set these goals and what makes us sink back into our old habits and routines. But that's just it, we go back to our habits, habits are formed and broken in 21 days. So take it one goal at a time, and stick to it for 21 days and see how much you consider it a habit when you finish the trial period. It's not gonna be easy and you're gonna wanna give up. But I'm starting something new. And blogging is a part of it. In 21 days I have a goal to read at least one chapter in the Bible, and post an uplifting and encouraging blog about it. If you notice me slacking and see me out, tell me you're reading. And you want me to reach my goal. It means more than you know and maybe we can learn something together. And become closer to the God and LORD who created it all. Help me reach my goal.
I've just been inspired lately to really take my goal of getting to Heaven very seriously. That's why I find it should be my first 21 day trial period to make it a habit. I know I can do it, and I want to take as many people with me as possible! :)
I can't wait to really get in the swing of this.
Love
ME <3
― Milan Kundera, The Unbearable Lightness of Being
Goals are tricky and sometimes complicated things. You can't set a goal you're not 100% committed to reaching. Setting a goal is more than just saying it or thinking about it, it's putting everything into reaching that goal and pushing yourself toward it every single day.
Man, have I been a horrible goal setter. I have sets little goals but never pushed myself to achieve them. One of my earlier posts I had all these goals. I really want to know what happened to them. What happened to the enthusiasm we have when we set these goals and what makes us sink back into our old habits and routines. But that's just it, we go back to our habits, habits are formed and broken in 21 days. So take it one goal at a time, and stick to it for 21 days and see how much you consider it a habit when you finish the trial period. It's not gonna be easy and you're gonna wanna give up. But I'm starting something new. And blogging is a part of it. In 21 days I have a goal to read at least one chapter in the Bible, and post an uplifting and encouraging blog about it. If you notice me slacking and see me out, tell me you're reading. And you want me to reach my goal. It means more than you know and maybe we can learn something together. And become closer to the God and LORD who created it all. Help me reach my goal.
I've just been inspired lately to really take my goal of getting to Heaven very seriously. That's why I find it should be my first 21 day trial period to make it a habit. I know I can do it, and I want to take as many people with me as possible! :)
I can't wait to really get in the swing of this.
Love
ME <3
Thursday, September 13, 2012
I Just Want To Be Better...
-a better person
-a better sister
-a better friend
-a better daughter
-a better Christian
-a better girl
and not have something wrong with my body.
I'm sick and tired of it. I'm gonna warn you this is a crying complaining whining post.
I run. I workout. I play and stay as active as possible. Why can't my body be okay and accepting. It's 1:08 in the morning and I should be asleep. But, everything hurts so bad I can't even get comfortable enough to sleep. I just want to cry, to give up, and stop pushing myself so hard to be "normal" when it's just impossible. I threw the football with my brother after his intramural game and I woke with my shoulder constantly popping all day and it felt out of socket. My knees and hips after running last night are in so much pain I have to constantly shift them. I can't do it anymore. I'm not that strong. I can't even enjoy sitting through a bible study at my house because my chair is not comfortable. This is the worst thing ever. To top it off the Rheumatologist hasn't made my appointment because a Doctor referral wasn't serious enough for him I suppose. He has to check my charts first. I just want to be BETTER.
And the Red Sox lost tonight. I hate the Yankees.
So I'll sit here and ask myself what can I do to be better in those areas? And in my physical condition? I don't stop. I have to be strong, I can't cry, I can't give up. No matter how strong that feeling is I can not bring myself to quit. I'm no quitter. I won't give up.
I am strong enough to change my person, love my family with everything in me, be the best friend I can, give my mom and dad the respect they deserve for raising me for 21 years, I can pray and read and study more, because I need and want to, I want to be a better girl, show the world the name Mychal isn't all Tomboy. I want to believe in myself the way that no one else can. The way no one else has. I have to do it myself. I am a strong woman. I was raised by them and taught to be one.
I will overcome. I am strong.
But then again, who am I kidding?
-ME
"Make the world a better place, punch a Yankee in the face. Go Sox!!"
-a better sister
-a better friend
-a better daughter
-a better Christian
-a better girl
and not have something wrong with my body.
I'm sick and tired of it. I'm gonna warn you this is a crying complaining whining post.
I run. I workout. I play and stay as active as possible. Why can't my body be okay and accepting. It's 1:08 in the morning and I should be asleep. But, everything hurts so bad I can't even get comfortable enough to sleep. I just want to cry, to give up, and stop pushing myself so hard to be "normal" when it's just impossible. I threw the football with my brother after his intramural game and I woke with my shoulder constantly popping all day and it felt out of socket. My knees and hips after running last night are in so much pain I have to constantly shift them. I can't do it anymore. I'm not that strong. I can't even enjoy sitting through a bible study at my house because my chair is not comfortable. This is the worst thing ever. To top it off the Rheumatologist hasn't made my appointment because a Doctor referral wasn't serious enough for him I suppose. He has to check my charts first. I just want to be BETTER.
And the Red Sox lost tonight. I hate the Yankees.
So I'll sit here and ask myself what can I do to be better in those areas? And in my physical condition? I don't stop. I have to be strong, I can't cry, I can't give up. No matter how strong that feeling is I can not bring myself to quit. I'm no quitter. I won't give up.
I am strong enough to change my person, love my family with everything in me, be the best friend I can, give my mom and dad the respect they deserve for raising me for 21 years, I can pray and read and study more, because I need and want to, I want to be a better girl, show the world the name Mychal isn't all Tomboy. I want to believe in myself the way that no one else can. The way no one else has. I have to do it myself. I am a strong woman. I was raised by them and taught to be one.
I will overcome. I am strong.
But then again, who am I kidding?
-ME
"Make the world a better place, punch a Yankee in the face. Go Sox!!"
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Caution: I'm Not Like Other Girls
Let me start by saying I'm no princess. That's not how I was raised to think. I was never treated like one, or told that I should be treated like one. I was just another cousin growing up, they were all boys except for the oldest who's 9 years older than me and another girl who's 4 years younger than me. There are 7 cousins inbetween the two. All boys, being a princess was no option. I was a little boy just like them, I just wore these weird long shirts with no pants to play in, oh wait, that was my mother's attempt at making me "girly" so I played in the dirt and mud and the creek and whatever else in a "play" dress. I was in a dress and boots before I knew it was so dang cute.
I grew up with a mom and dad who didn't exactly get the whole communication thing. And I inherited that. Talking about important things is not my strongest area. And I'd rather cover it up than dig deeper into the problem to fix it. Guy mode, I just don't want conflict. I cannot deal with it. I just get upset and it escalates quick, I may yell, I may get quiet, or I may leave. I'm a runner, leaving is what I do best. I hate that. I wish I could man up and stay and face it, but I wasn't taught how to stand up for myself. I'd rather tell you you're right to stop the argument. It's how I deal. I'm trying to change it, it's a work in progress. I definitely have a backbone now and I'll stand up to anyone.
I don't care for fancy flowers or big boxes of chocolate. I don't like Valentine's Day. I can't stand being put on a pedestal. I don't get jealous of a guy I like had friends who are girls. I don't get jealous of girls who are treated like princesses. I want to smack them and tell them to get off their high horse and get back to the real world. I'm from a simpler place and mindset. One hand picked flower over a dozen long stem roses any day. Fishing and riding backroads is a better date than supper and a movie. I enjoy paying for my own things every now and then. I like to even treat guys sometimes. I have no problem driving/taking my car places. I just like being treated like a normal human. That doesn't mean I never want to be made to feel like I'm special. I am special. I just don't need grand gestures to prove it. Some girls want guys to think bigger. I'm all for small. Netflix or at home movie dates. (I'd rather not dress up anyway) I've learned to appreciate things that are so usually taken for granted. And I never ever want to lose that mindset. It makes a rainbow or even the blue clear sky on my drive to or from school an amazing thing. This weather lately has got me giddy for Autumn. (My absolute favorite season!!)
I'm a romantic. I like to write things down so people always know how I feel about them and they can go back and reread it over and over. I like little things like that done for me. But that means I'll do them for you too. I may want to spend every last penny on you and every second with you but I realize that's not possible or mentally or financially responsible. I'm just a girl who wants to be loved and shown she's loved. And I can guarantee you're going to get back 100x what you put in plus my 100%. This isn't a date Mychal post. This is a Mychal's kind of weird and different but try to understand her and it's really not that hard. Trust is the foundation for everything, and is the best gift I could ever receive from anyone or give to anyone. I promise to treat it with care if you do...
Oh and anywhere I can wear my boots ( which is almost everywhere) is a perfectly acceptable place to be ;)
Yeah, going to be for real now.
Goodnight & Sweet Dreams
ME
I grew up with a mom and dad who didn't exactly get the whole communication thing. And I inherited that. Talking about important things is not my strongest area. And I'd rather cover it up than dig deeper into the problem to fix it. Guy mode, I just don't want conflict. I cannot deal with it. I just get upset and it escalates quick, I may yell, I may get quiet, or I may leave. I'm a runner, leaving is what I do best. I hate that. I wish I could man up and stay and face it, but I wasn't taught how to stand up for myself. I'd rather tell you you're right to stop the argument. It's how I deal. I'm trying to change it, it's a work in progress. I definitely have a backbone now and I'll stand up to anyone.
I don't care for fancy flowers or big boxes of chocolate. I don't like Valentine's Day. I can't stand being put on a pedestal. I don't get jealous of a guy I like had friends who are girls. I don't get jealous of girls who are treated like princesses. I want to smack them and tell them to get off their high horse and get back to the real world. I'm from a simpler place and mindset. One hand picked flower over a dozen long stem roses any day. Fishing and riding backroads is a better date than supper and a movie. I enjoy paying for my own things every now and then. I like to even treat guys sometimes. I have no problem driving/taking my car places. I just like being treated like a normal human. That doesn't mean I never want to be made to feel like I'm special. I am special. I just don't need grand gestures to prove it. Some girls want guys to think bigger. I'm all for small. Netflix or at home movie dates. (I'd rather not dress up anyway) I've learned to appreciate things that are so usually taken for granted. And I never ever want to lose that mindset. It makes a rainbow or even the blue clear sky on my drive to or from school an amazing thing. This weather lately has got me giddy for Autumn. (My absolute favorite season!!)
I'm a romantic. I like to write things down so people always know how I feel about them and they can go back and reread it over and over. I like little things like that done for me. But that means I'll do them for you too. I may want to spend every last penny on you and every second with you but I realize that's not possible or mentally or financially responsible. I'm just a girl who wants to be loved and shown she's loved. And I can guarantee you're going to get back 100x what you put in plus my 100%. This isn't a date Mychal post. This is a Mychal's kind of weird and different but try to understand her and it's really not that hard. Trust is the foundation for everything, and is the best gift I could ever receive from anyone or give to anyone. I promise to treat it with care if you do...
Oh and anywhere I can wear my boots ( which is almost everywhere) is a perfectly acceptable place to be ;)
Yeah, going to be for real now.
Goodnight & Sweet Dreams
ME
The Only Constant in Life is Change
This morning at my Doctor's appointment I readied myself myself for anything by thinking just that, "my life can't stay the same", you need ups, downs, and obstacles to over come to make life, life. Knowing that when he walked in I was probably going to get bad news and have something wrong with my body I just simply couldn't control. This terrifies me. I got the news I may have a connective tissue disorder, so it's not just my joints but all the tissues and ligaments around them, so my doctor referred me to a Rheumatologist. He has to go over my charts and then he'll get back to me about my appointment. I had an X-Ray of my hips done since it is my biggest problem area. It kinda drug my day way down.
So I went to the tanning bed for some fake beach time to relax and just think, and nap. ;)
Then I had to attend my EXPW majors club meeting where I found out my specific major (Fitness & Wellness) doesn't have a VP. They were looking for someone to fill the spot. I volunteered, I don't know of anyone else did, but hey why not? I want to meet people and be social... VP sounds good to me :)
Then I got home fed my horse, ate then rode my horse for a little while, then got a call and Jenna wants to go run, so we do, and we beast the two mile loop around TTU in 16 minutes. :) I'm happy, even with allergies clogging the sinuses in my head, making it hard to breathe, and every joint hurting like crazy, that run felt great. I love the after workout feeling of accomplishment I think it's what keeps pulling me toward my major and the Athletic Training career I hope for. I want every person I help to have that same feeling when I'm done helping them. I seriously can't wait to see what my future holds, because with God, anything can happen. And I'm in control of me :)
Still remember me in your prayers.
Love & Sweet Dreams,
ME
P.S. Ciara if you read this, I hope you feel better, if you need anything, anytime call me!! (i know how to answer my phone)
P.S.S. 9/11/01 - 11 years ago needs to be remembered. I remember where I was and what I was doing but the thing is I didn't understand anything like this at 10 years old. I saw footage of the plane crashes into the towers today and it choked me up and brought me to tears, I will never forget. And I know neither will America.
So I went to the tanning bed for some fake beach time to relax and just think, and nap. ;)
Then I had to attend my EXPW majors club meeting where I found out my specific major (Fitness & Wellness) doesn't have a VP. They were looking for someone to fill the spot. I volunteered, I don't know of anyone else did, but hey why not? I want to meet people and be social... VP sounds good to me :)
Then I got home fed my horse, ate then rode my horse for a little while, then got a call and Jenna wants to go run, so we do, and we beast the two mile loop around TTU in 16 minutes. :) I'm happy, even with allergies clogging the sinuses in my head, making it hard to breathe, and every joint hurting like crazy, that run felt great. I love the after workout feeling of accomplishment I think it's what keeps pulling me toward my major and the Athletic Training career I hope for. I want every person I help to have that same feeling when I'm done helping them. I seriously can't wait to see what my future holds, because with God, anything can happen. And I'm in control of me :)
Still remember me in your prayers.
Love & Sweet Dreams,
ME
P.S. Ciara if you read this, I hope you feel better, if you need anything, anytime call me!! (i know how to answer my phone)
P.S.S. 9/11/01 - 11 years ago needs to be remembered. I remember where I was and what I was doing but the thing is I didn't understand anything like this at 10 years old. I saw footage of the plane crashes into the towers today and it choked me up and brought me to tears, I will never forget. And I know neither will America.
Monday, September 10, 2012
I Like Boots, You, Your Drunk Tattoo, Driving in the Country When The Daffodils Bloom
Okay Jana Kramer please keep singing about my life, that's "Goodbye California" by the way. I looovee her songs. They tug at every emotion I've ever felt. But I've had so many music related posts I'll stop.
I just got to spend 5 hours in the new Cookeville Buffalo Wild Wings building, to get my TABC (Tennessee Alcoholic Beverage Commission) license. I can now serve liquor for 61 days or until my real license gets here! Go me!! :) I'm seriously excited about my new job and the opportunities it will present. So it's goodbye HoneyBaked on September 19th.
I've been trying so hard to focus on school while working and training my horse and having time for friends too, it's seriously rough. This BWW job is going to take up more time, but I'm so thankful for the hours!!
The best thing that's happened to me is this cooler weather, minus the massive allergy attack my face just endured the past week. My sinuses have been congested and mixed with a constant migraine just sucks. It's been miserable, but Sunday I got to ride my baby, Mailman! It was perfect and we both worked really hard on everything, he's still got so much energy to let out so I'm hoping riding him more and more will help release it and he'll be a little bit chilled out. He's an Arabian and Appaloosa mix and he's just crazy high strung. I love it though cause when he finally relaxes you know you're doing it right. It makes me so proud of him and proud of what I've accomplished :)
Anyway BWW opens October 1 and training begins Sept 20!!
I'm so happy right now. My life couldn't get much better. I'm happy with myself and only want to continue to improve on myself and my habits. I've made lots of new friends this semester already. Jonathan being at Tech has thrown my world for a small loop, it's so weird!! He had his first intramural game tonight but I missed it :( because of BWW! I think he won, he's on a kickass team I;m proud of him for making friends and getting out and being social.
Update on my joint problems, I go to the Dr in the morning and get new meds hopefully we'll find something that works. My anti-inflammatory right now just makes my joints feel creaky and squeaky like the inflammation was keeping them "well-oiled" either way it hurts worse now, and the muscle relaxers that are supposed to relax me before bed and help me sleep? ha yeah, me relaxed? Never going to happen. I'm long overdue for a massage and a chiropractor visit. Pray it all goes well tomorrow for me. This makes it really hard on a normally active person to be in so much pain all the time. Not joking there is not a moment in the day when my body is pain free. And the stressors of a new job, school load, and the physical stress on my joints from my backpack to the walking around campus have made me feel even more weak and defeated. I know God wouldn't put something like this in my life if I couldn't handle it. It would be easier to just have someone to sit and talk to and give me a hug that let me know it's all going to be okay. Who could read me even when I put on a smile. Someone who I could break down in front of and just complain about how much I hate it and how bad it hurts. Yeah, I miss that... but nothing else. Crying would be great, but I'm stronger than that and it's not going to make it any better so there's no point. So being strong is my option.
Thanks for reading.
Love & Sweet Dreams,
ME
"Shoulda just called it like I saw it.
Shoulda just called for help and ran like hell that day.
The burning, the stinging, the high and the heat and the "left-me-one-more" feeling when he kissed me.
I shoulda just called him "Whiskey"."
I just got to spend 5 hours in the new Cookeville Buffalo Wild Wings building, to get my TABC (Tennessee Alcoholic Beverage Commission) license. I can now serve liquor for 61 days or until my real license gets here! Go me!! :) I'm seriously excited about my new job and the opportunities it will present. So it's goodbye HoneyBaked on September 19th.
I've been trying so hard to focus on school while working and training my horse and having time for friends too, it's seriously rough. This BWW job is going to take up more time, but I'm so thankful for the hours!!
The best thing that's happened to me is this cooler weather, minus the massive allergy attack my face just endured the past week. My sinuses have been congested and mixed with a constant migraine just sucks. It's been miserable, but Sunday I got to ride my baby, Mailman! It was perfect and we both worked really hard on everything, he's still got so much energy to let out so I'm hoping riding him more and more will help release it and he'll be a little bit chilled out. He's an Arabian and Appaloosa mix and he's just crazy high strung. I love it though cause when he finally relaxes you know you're doing it right. It makes me so proud of him and proud of what I've accomplished :)
Anyway BWW opens October 1 and training begins Sept 20!!
I'm so happy right now. My life couldn't get much better. I'm happy with myself and only want to continue to improve on myself and my habits. I've made lots of new friends this semester already. Jonathan being at Tech has thrown my world for a small loop, it's so weird!! He had his first intramural game tonight but I missed it :( because of BWW! I think he won, he's on a kickass team I;m proud of him for making friends and getting out and being social.
Update on my joint problems, I go to the Dr in the morning and get new meds hopefully we'll find something that works. My anti-inflammatory right now just makes my joints feel creaky and squeaky like the inflammation was keeping them "well-oiled" either way it hurts worse now, and the muscle relaxers that are supposed to relax me before bed and help me sleep? ha yeah, me relaxed? Never going to happen. I'm long overdue for a massage and a chiropractor visit. Pray it all goes well tomorrow for me. This makes it really hard on a normally active person to be in so much pain all the time. Not joking there is not a moment in the day when my body is pain free. And the stressors of a new job, school load, and the physical stress on my joints from my backpack to the walking around campus have made me feel even more weak and defeated. I know God wouldn't put something like this in my life if I couldn't handle it. It would be easier to just have someone to sit and talk to and give me a hug that let me know it's all going to be okay. Who could read me even when I put on a smile. Someone who I could break down in front of and just complain about how much I hate it and how bad it hurts. Yeah, I miss that... but nothing else. Crying would be great, but I'm stronger than that and it's not going to make it any better so there's no point. So being strong is my option.
Thanks for reading.
Love & Sweet Dreams,
ME
"Shoulda just called it like I saw it.
Shoulda just called for help and ran like hell that day.
The burning, the stinging, the high and the heat and the "left-me-one-more" feeling when he kissed me.
I shoulda just called him "Whiskey"."
-Jana Kramer- "Whiskey"
Monday, September 3, 2012
When You're Happy You Enjoy the Music..
..when you're sad you understand the lyrics -Frank Ocean
She prays one day she'll find someone to need her
She swears that there's no difference
Between the lies and compliments
It's all the same if everybody leaves her
She's given boys what they want
And tries to act nonchalant
Afraid they'll see that she's lost her direction
She never stays the same for long
Assuming that she'll get it wrong
Perfect only in her imperfection
She would change everything, for happy ever after
Caught in the in-between a beautiful disaster
She said she was a runnin' from her past.
Every breath she stole felt like my last.
And her kiss told me 'better get outta there', but I was too far to care.
And that's the thing about a hurricane.
She's all lightnin', and wind and rain.
Get's you close and you're swept away.
Better hold on till it breaks, caues it's a hell of a ride,
if you can just survive the pain.
That's the thing about a hurricane.
She loved him like he was the last man on earthGave him everything she ever hadHe'd break her spirit down, then come lovin' up on herGive a little, then take it backShe'd tell him about her dreams, he'd just shoot 'em downLord he loved to make her cryYou're crazy for believin', you'll never leave the groundHe said only angels know how to flyAnd with a broken wing she still singsShe keeps an eye on the skyWith a broken wing she carries her dreamsMan you ought to see her fly
No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels alright
You don't know what it's like, to be like me
To be hurt, to feel lost, to be left out in the dark
To be kicked, when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
When no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
My heart was open
Exposed and hoping
For you to lay it on the line
But in the end it seemed
There was no room for me
Still I tried, to change your mind.
I guess I wanted you more
And looking back now I'm sure
I wanted you more
I guess I wanted you more
Ohhh, I don't need you
I don't need you anymore
my life in songs.. I don't have much to write about. School is in its second week and I'm already stressed to the max. My meds the Dr. gave for my joint problems aren't working, so being constantly sore and tired mixed with school and insomnia is just the perfect way for school to start, not... Still looking on the bright side. I just got back from Bowling Green and visited my oldest friend, Sarah. I had an interesting weekend, technical difficulties, back roads in the dark, Historic tour at Mammoth Cave, and a perfectly lazy Labor Day morning with Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs, then home bound on a rainy interstate and supper and studying. Now, Golden Girls, Blogging, and trying to get to sleeeepppp. No luck, maybe turning this off will help.
Sweet Dreams,
ME
She prays one day she'll find someone to need her
She swears that there's no difference
Between the lies and compliments
It's all the same if everybody leaves her
She's given boys what they want
And tries to act nonchalant
Afraid they'll see that she's lost her direction
She never stays the same for long
Assuming that she'll get it wrong
Perfect only in her imperfection
She would change everything, for happy ever after
Caught in the in-between a beautiful disaster
She said she was a runnin' from her past.
Every breath she stole felt like my last.
And her kiss told me 'better get outta there', but I was too far to care.
And that's the thing about a hurricane.
She's all lightnin', and wind and rain.
Get's you close and you're swept away.
Better hold on till it breaks, caues it's a hell of a ride,
if you can just survive the pain.
That's the thing about a hurricane.
She loved him like he was the last man on earthGave him everything she ever hadHe'd break her spirit down, then come lovin' up on herGive a little, then take it backShe'd tell him about her dreams, he'd just shoot 'em downLord he loved to make her cryYou're crazy for believin', you'll never leave the groundHe said only angels know how to flyAnd with a broken wing she still singsShe keeps an eye on the skyWith a broken wing she carries her dreamsMan you ought to see her fly
No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels alright
You don't know what it's like, to be like me
To be hurt, to feel lost, to be left out in the dark
To be kicked, when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
When no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
My heart was open
Exposed and hoping
For you to lay it on the line
But in the end it seemed
There was no room for me
Still I tried, to change your mind.
I guess I wanted you more
And looking back now I'm sure
I wanted you more
I guess I wanted you more
Ohhh, I don't need you
I don't need you anymore
my life in songs.. I don't have much to write about. School is in its second week and I'm already stressed to the max. My meds the Dr. gave for my joint problems aren't working, so being constantly sore and tired mixed with school and insomnia is just the perfect way for school to start, not... Still looking on the bright side. I just got back from Bowling Green and visited my oldest friend, Sarah. I had an interesting weekend, technical difficulties, back roads in the dark, Historic tour at Mammoth Cave, and a perfectly lazy Labor Day morning with Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs, then home bound on a rainy interstate and supper and studying. Now, Golden Girls, Blogging, and trying to get to sleeeepppp. No luck, maybe turning this off will help.
Sweet Dreams,
ME
Friday, August 31, 2012
Because I Can..
Today's the day I cried the most, but I'm done.
I let what people think of me affect me for the last time. My life is mine. I've messed up, made mistakes, and done a lot of things I wish I could take back. But that doesn't stop me from living my life as trying to be a better person the next day. I want to be the best I can be. And so I'm done with the headaches, with the stress, with the worrying, and with the weight loss over what one person thinks about me. There are a good 9.6 billion more people out there and I sure don't feel the need to impress just one. If you don't like me, fine, that's your problem I wasn't put on this earth to please any man, I'm here to please God. My past depended on my choices, my present state is determined by myself, and I'm the one who's in control of my future.
So all you think what you want, or you can ask me and get the truth, but keep my name out of your mouth if you don't know what you are talking about. I'm not into small town hick gossip and when I left the high school I figured it'd stop. It's sad when you ain't got nothing else better in your life than to try to ruin mine by spreading lies.
Redneck rant done. My life is mine. Thank y'all.
Now I got a job interview to get ready for. Wish me luck.
Love,
ME
I let what people think of me affect me for the last time. My life is mine. I've messed up, made mistakes, and done a lot of things I wish I could take back. But that doesn't stop me from living my life as trying to be a better person the next day. I want to be the best I can be. And so I'm done with the headaches, with the stress, with the worrying, and with the weight loss over what one person thinks about me. There are a good 9.6 billion more people out there and I sure don't feel the need to impress just one. If you don't like me, fine, that's your problem I wasn't put on this earth to please any man, I'm here to please God. My past depended on my choices, my present state is determined by myself, and I'm the one who's in control of my future.
So all you think what you want, or you can ask me and get the truth, but keep my name out of your mouth if you don't know what you are talking about. I'm not into small town hick gossip and when I left the high school I figured it'd stop. It's sad when you ain't got nothing else better in your life than to try to ruin mine by spreading lies.
Redneck rant done. My life is mine. Thank y'all.
Now I got a job interview to get ready for. Wish me luck.
Love,
ME
Friday, August 17, 2012
Just Take A Breath
When you care so much for so long you only to not feel it in return you become numb and you start to not care anymore either... So when he told me to met him after church and not go to his house I wasn't stupid I knew what was up. And it made me sad for a little while.. I knew my end of the relationship wasn't close to perfect but neither was his. So when he got in my car I let him have his spill of excuses I let him think he was just rping right into my heart, he did, then I stopped and looked and thought this is an opportunity to find love for real I know I loved Landyn but it really wasn't moving anywhere we were simply two incompatible people trying to stick it out and all that does is cause ill feelings toward each other because we could never fully give the other one what was necessary for a healthy relationship. So that's that and I realize it. I'm not sad or heartbroken it hurt and I cried but crying wasn't going to fix all the problems we had and isn't going to bring us back together. I'm happy and I'm back to being myself, I'm tired of everyone telling me they're worried about me and that I'm not being myself so that's gone and I will never throw out family and friend insights or give up my friends for a guy. It's not worth it and if they can't love my friends and family and respect what they have to say too then they really aren't worth my time.
Being happy is my main priority, that and this ridiculous semester I'm about to endure. So here's to a happy single Mychal. I'm going to love every minute of everyday from here on out!! You only live once but if you do it right once is enough
Being happy is my main priority, that and this ridiculous semester I'm about to endure. So here's to a happy single Mychal. I'm going to love every minute of everyday from here on out!! You only live once but if you do it right once is enough
Monday, July 23, 2012
101 Days
It's 101 days since the fist time I laid eyes on Landyn, one hundred-one days since the first time we met, laughed together, and kissed. It's been full of everything from every direction, but now today I can officially say I have broken a Mychal Goad record. Three months ago today I became his girlfriend. And even if it's been a rough road we've never given up on each other. And for that I have been his and he has been mine for three months, 92 days. Honestly, I can't imagine not having him. He has proven himself to be the greatest man I've ever dated. I love him very much.
I want to keep him forever. :)
Love
ME
I want to keep him forever. :)
Love
ME
Thursday, July 19, 2012
Distractions Don't Help...
Reading, Friends, Sewing, Projects with mom, little Logan staying this weekend, and absolutely nothing helps.
The worst is when you know something is the best for both people and you can't let go. I care still a lot. I can't say I care too much because I don't feel like I do, care too much, that is. He's still always on my mind and always in my heart. I honestly don't think this will get any easier. I always feel the need to talk to him or text him. I don't feel like this should be over. I feel like we never finished our time. I thought doing what was best for him would come as easy for me to do. He's been the most important thing to me for so long I feel like going a whole day without talking to him is impossible. I find myself thinking of reasons throughout the day to text him. Excuses, really... but I'm afraid my selfishness is making it harder for him to move on too. And I in all honesty do not want to move on. I want everything I dreamed of to be with him. That's what makes it so hard... I miss him terribly.. in case it wasn't obvious. He asked me to move on quickly but not stupidly. And I'm doing anything I can make myself feel closer to him when I can't have him. It's not healthy but that's all I want is to be with him how I know we could be, and how we should be.
Heartbreaking. It's killing me on the inside. I get ideas to just go to his house and wait for him to get home. Because I want to see him and hear his voice and get a hug from him so so bad. I just can't get myself to make it harder for him than it should be. I know I need to stop and think about why we ended it, and I do. But I can't help but think about him and want to be around him. This is by far the most challenging thing I've ever done, especially since I want to think about what will make me happy when I'm down, and when T-Rex's picking up basketballs or doing push-ups don't work, my mind instantly goes to him and our great amazing times and I can't help but smile followed by the instant pang of sadness.
Crying doesn't even help anymore. It accomplishes nothing except letting the emotions out. The only thing that makes me feel remotely better is I know I've helped him and i can only hope I made his life better for our relationship. And it's continued until now and will continue. He's an amazing man.
and I miss him, I love him.
Always,
Mychal
The worst is when you know something is the best for both people and you can't let go. I care still a lot. I can't say I care too much because I don't feel like I do, care too much, that is. He's still always on my mind and always in my heart. I honestly don't think this will get any easier. I always feel the need to talk to him or text him. I don't feel like this should be over. I feel like we never finished our time. I thought doing what was best for him would come as easy for me to do. He's been the most important thing to me for so long I feel like going a whole day without talking to him is impossible. I find myself thinking of reasons throughout the day to text him. Excuses, really... but I'm afraid my selfishness is making it harder for him to move on too. And I in all honesty do not want to move on. I want everything I dreamed of to be with him. That's what makes it so hard... I miss him terribly.. in case it wasn't obvious. He asked me to move on quickly but not stupidly. And I'm doing anything I can make myself feel closer to him when I can't have him. It's not healthy but that's all I want is to be with him how I know we could be, and how we should be.
Heartbreaking. It's killing me on the inside. I get ideas to just go to his house and wait for him to get home. Because I want to see him and hear his voice and get a hug from him so so bad. I just can't get myself to make it harder for him than it should be. I know I need to stop and think about why we ended it, and I do. But I can't help but think about him and want to be around him. This is by far the most challenging thing I've ever done, especially since I want to think about what will make me happy when I'm down, and when T-Rex's picking up basketballs or doing push-ups don't work, my mind instantly goes to him and our great amazing times and I can't help but smile followed by the instant pang of sadness.
Crying doesn't even help anymore. It accomplishes nothing except letting the emotions out. The only thing that makes me feel remotely better is I know I've helped him and i can only hope I made his life better for our relationship. And it's continued until now and will continue. He's an amazing man.
and I miss him, I love him.
Always,
Mychal
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Hollerhugh...
n. Anyone displaying large amounts of game with all women as if born with a god given talent. Any male who has mind control over women without even trying. A pimp at the highest level.
Just so you know. I couldn't fall asleep tonight without writing about this. My blog has become my diary. I don't care to share, and I hate writing things if they are never read so might as well express myself to the fullest. And quite frankly, this is a story I want to remember, I do not want this to ever fade so writing it down is the best bet. :)
I might as well name this post Marcus Landyn Robertson. If you don't want to read about my side of a love story and my life the past few months go ahead and go back to Facebook or click that little red X in the right corner.
On April 8, 2012 I went against my better judgement and accepted an invitation to my friend/cousin's 21st birthday bonfire. I was excited to see some old faces from high school again and be in little old Gainesboro. Welll, the night started off a little rough, I got lost, I typed in the wrong road on my GPS. So everyone got a kick out of that when I finally arrived. Mychal Goad, never changing, blonde of the group, making ditzy little mistakes that are great for jokes later.... haha Well I hung out with old friends for most the time and did the stupidest thing and jumped in a bathing suit and jumped in a pool that hadn't been cleaned in a couple years and it was APRIL. Freezing. I put my clothes back on in the house and played some pool. Well I figure its time for me to go. I walk outside to tell everyone bye and I see another dear cousin of mine (We're in Jackson County, I'm related to everyone) and stopped and talked to him for a minute. Low and behold he made a new friend, who was being pursued by a girl who he seemed to not be interested in and I didn't necessarily like... So to get rid of her what'd I do? I told him if he wanted he could kiss me when she came around the corner and I guaranteed it would make her leave him alone or she would leave. Well she got around the corner and to the first syllable of his name and he kissed me, she left before we stopped. I'm not gonna lie. It was a greeeeaaat kiss. But it was time to go. I gave him my number and added him on Facebook that night. I wanted to get to know this guy. He seemed sweet and he was cute and not at all super flirty or mackin on me hard. haha. So I initiated contact, told him I wasn't usually like that, I'm sorry if I came on too strong, I wanted to help him out, blah blah blah. Just wanting him to know I was not crazy.. Well we went to a movie, most awkward time of.my.life. The bestie calls and asks how it went, I without hesitation said, we're just gonna be friends, he didn't even act remotely interested. I flirted and he didn't even try anything back!!! Total confusion. Well the next couple days went by and we were texting and I was a giddy little girl. And we hung out again, this time I got to meet an ex-girlfriend of his who was in town. My little mind thought, ok, using me to make her jealous? or wants a distraction so he doesn't have to stay long? Either way I was kinda bummed but I found it hilarious. It's what a friend is for right? Well we went to a small party where he met my best friend Jenna and her boyfriend Christian. He was so scared. But I wanted to see if the movies was really quite possibly the most awkward first date place ever. So went went and had a blast. They liked him and I was starting to feel something for this guy. I had found one that was different, and treated me like a person not like "arm candy". We were practically inseparable. He left for a weekend to spend with his grandparents and when he came back he asked me if we could make it official. The next weekend he went to Destin with some old friends. That was crazy how much I missed someone after such a short time of dating. We were so spoiled the first month of dating after he got back we were together all the time, after I would have classes before and after work, it was amazing. Well after being completely spoiled and talking and really getting to know each other I had this feeling after a few weeks. I couldn't explain it. It was a burning in my chest and thoughts in my head were swarming, and a butterflies on crack feeling in my tummy. I didn't know what I was feeling. At all. I was confused and started to act different around him because I was scared. I was scared I'd fallen too fast and too hard and didn't think that after one month you could fall in love with someone, that's right I said it, LOVE. That big L word. We were watching (well talking through) a movie when he rolled over and looked at me point blank and said what is wrong? It was the day before we'd been together an official month and I looked him in the eye and started tearing up and finally gathered my courage and said it's ok if you don't feel the same but I've never been in love, Landyn, but this is what it's supposed to feel like. I love you. That boy hugged me tight and said it's ok, I love you too. Everything in me exploded. I felt higher than a kite I felt like nothing could go wrong. The girl who had avoided love or anything close at all costs found it, and it wasn't a secret, and this girl was loved back. I can't explain that moment even as I relive it right now. All the joy that comes with finding someone you believe is the right one for you, it is mind blowing.
So he gets a job, in Lebanon, working from 8-5 and having to wake up at 5am and go to bed around 10-11 messed with our staying up til 2 or 3 in the morning usual routine. I was deprived of something I had taken for granted. I wanted it to work, he thought it'd be best if he moved. It broke everything in me when he told me we couldn't work from a distance. He broke up with me, well the next day I went to his house to take stuff back and ended up talking to his mom and sister and playing with his little brother for 6 hours. I knew he would find out, and I knew I'd be in trouble. I was right. He was mad. What did I do? I found out where he was, (Lowe's) I pulled right behind his truck rolled down my windows and blasted "I Won't Give Up" by Jason Mraz. Our song, and you know what we had discussions and a few arguments and I would make sure he knew I wasn't giving up. He bent down to the window and I was crying and he kissed me, everything in me knew from that moment, we'd be alright. We had a talk when we got back to his house and really tried to make it so everything would work out. He decided I was worth it to stay. He wanted to stay, for me. He will never know how happy I was because I needed him. Not because Jenna left for Spain but because I felt completed around him like nothing could tear us apart. There was no better feeling in the world than wanting to make it work, and feeling like he did too. We made a trip to Scott County, TN. Oneida is where his Gran lives, Tom Chitwood. Nothing could have made that trip better. We had beautiful pictures made and Seriously, the entire way back I just felt comfortable, and at ease with him around. I was still scared to mess up, who likes being broken up with, but I didn't feel that threat so everything felt right. We would have little scuffles but it happens... I made him a picture book with our newly made pictures and some we'd just taken on his phone. That was something I'd never done, and I wrote him a promise on the back, and I wanted him to know anytime we got in a fight if he read that I felt we could make it through anything. And we overcame quite a bit in a short two month time span. Then we got in our biggest fight and I left. I ran. Something he'd kept me from doing for so long and I left. It was a huge misunderstanding and communication problems. So I wrote the blog titled "The First Cut is The Deepest" talking about being in love the first time. And how it hurts the most when you feel like it's gone. He read it. He cried and he called me and needed me. He wanted to talk and make it all better. He was off work the next week and asked me for a trial run. Where he could treat me better than ever and prove to me he would put forth his 100%. I love him, so of course I say yes. It wasn't fast or easy but I did it. Two days later we were off to Destin for part of the week. I was on edge I admit, and nervous. I did not want him thinking I took him back so we could go on this trip. And he would sped money on me. I've never been that way and I'll never be that way. But that four days was a four days of healing. And I felt he meant what he said that he would change. And he did. We began our gospel meeting when I got back and he and I aren't on the same page religiously, we believe two total separate things. So he was never able to meet the "grandpa" I talked about before. We broke up the Monday night after we got back from Destin. I hid something small from him about seeing Jenna when I was staying at a house of ours next door to my own. He overreacted and told me to leave, so after and exhausting day I bowed my head and said ok. I got in my car and drove home. It was the most heart wrenching thing but all I could think was maybe he'll read that on the book and he'll come back. I didn't want him gone, I didn't feel our story was over. I got some bad news that night, from Jenna that had come from a dramatic source that want't true(didn't know it wasn't true at first) and removed him from my life. From everything. But when I found no peace through myself and prayer, after not talking to him for a week I cleaned out my purse and found a paper with all instructions to the condo that I thought he may have needed. He did. He told me to leave it in the mailbox. Well I love his family, I noticed he wasn't home, and I went to the door and they invited me in, I tried to decline but I knew I wanted to go in, I knew I wanted to see if he'd come, if I could see him again and see if my feelings had changed. Well while I was sitting there talking to his mom he came in, once again, he was angry. This time he left and I had a letter for him to read when he got back. He text me about it and I told him I needed to see him and I felt like we had so much to talk about. To hear his side and set the record straight. So I spent 3 hours reading my bible and praying and reading a book called The Begging Place. It's about prayer and finding your way to your begging place, for God's little girls. I was crying and praying and reading and finally I had to take a nap. So I did. He got there about 9 to talk to me. The conversation was rigid at first. But we overcame it and it began to be how every night in our relationship should've been handled when we would argue. It was amazing to see that side. The side of him I knew was in there just scared to come out for fear of vulnerability. And I waited patiently and finally met him. My Landyn. The man I'd longed for. The man I knew this boy could be. And I let my heart be healed and my walls and guards down because at that moment I realized that he was what I wanted and he wanted me too.
I'd love to end this as Nicholas Sparks does and have a happily ever after. But sadly the end is the part that gets me every time. I told him he could stay over that night, but had to leave early because dad passes it on the way to work in the morning ( I know not the best thing I've ever done) I felt awful when I sat up and saw my daddy's truck at ten til five in that driveway. I've never seen my dad so calmly angry. I knew I was in deep trouble. After that perfect night this would only be a fitting morning. Dad told me he'd talk to me about it later. So I made myself sick with worry all day. Trying to talk to Landyn while he was at work and find a way to fix this. I knew it'd take time to be with him again and for my family to accept it. I was willing to put forth the time and effort. I just hate letting my parents feel as if I'm going against them because I know they wouldn't think this was best. Well when me and my dad were home he backed out on the talking and took the cabin key I had and pretty much made it clear I wouldn't be moving in there. I let Landyn know our entire argument throughout the day was pointless. And we talked on the phone for nearly two hours and made our way of starting over. And at the very end I did bring up something important to me and him, our religious differences. Well the phone call ended with me taking a deep ragged breath and telling him I loved him but I want and he deserves to be with someone who will be able to go to church with him and experience all he feels with him and I told him I didn't believe I could go to church without having someone I spend my life with to not share that with me too. And He told me he loved me and goodbye.
I sent him a text of the words I could not muster enough strength to say on the phone. But the crying didn't start until the reply he sent back, that melted my heart and I knew one day he would be the happiest man on earth and have his happily ever after. Even if it wasn't with me. I knew I wanted that for him because he deserved it. I knew I could never 100% be what he needed for the rest of his life. And he did the same for me, and I firmly believe when I see him around my heart won't ache from the bad, it may ache from missing him, but I will be happy to see him and I will say hi maybe even get a hug. And if I ever see him around with a girl I will want to her to know what she's got. And I will expect him to treat her right, but to her she better be what he needs and treat him right, I know what's he's been through and what he's done to help people. When he finds the girl I hope I get to meet her. I want to be introduced not as his exgirlfriend but as a friend because for two months and 9 days he was my best friend.
This man stole my heart in a month but will own a piece of it for a lifetime. You never forget your first love. And I will never for get him. I wish him the best in everything. What he taught me and what he said to me and what his last two texts said I'll never forget. I'll have them in my heart forever. He means everything to me even though it's better for us both to be apart. I will never forget our time together, our love, and what we meant to each other. Because I believe we had a true real love. A love real enough to know what was best for the other and the fact we couldn't be it broke my heart but it made me realize how much he truly loves me. And I can only hope he knows how much I love and care for him.
Well that's my story. I hope you didn't cry too much...
Love,
ME
I love you.
Just so you know. I couldn't fall asleep tonight without writing about this. My blog has become my diary. I don't care to share, and I hate writing things if they are never read so might as well express myself to the fullest. And quite frankly, this is a story I want to remember, I do not want this to ever fade so writing it down is the best bet. :)
I might as well name this post Marcus Landyn Robertson. If you don't want to read about my side of a love story and my life the past few months go ahead and go back to Facebook or click that little red X in the right corner.
On April 8, 2012 I went against my better judgement and accepted an invitation to my friend/cousin's 21st birthday bonfire. I was excited to see some old faces from high school again and be in little old Gainesboro. Welll, the night started off a little rough, I got lost, I typed in the wrong road on my GPS. So everyone got a kick out of that when I finally arrived. Mychal Goad, never changing, blonde of the group, making ditzy little mistakes that are great for jokes later.... haha Well I hung out with old friends for most the time and did the stupidest thing and jumped in a bathing suit and jumped in a pool that hadn't been cleaned in a couple years and it was APRIL. Freezing. I put my clothes back on in the house and played some pool. Well I figure its time for me to go. I walk outside to tell everyone bye and I see another dear cousin of mine (We're in Jackson County, I'm related to everyone) and stopped and talked to him for a minute. Low and behold he made a new friend, who was being pursued by a girl who he seemed to not be interested in and I didn't necessarily like... So to get rid of her what'd I do? I told him if he wanted he could kiss me when she came around the corner and I guaranteed it would make her leave him alone or she would leave. Well she got around the corner and to the first syllable of his name and he kissed me, she left before we stopped. I'm not gonna lie. It was a greeeeaaat kiss. But it was time to go. I gave him my number and added him on Facebook that night. I wanted to get to know this guy. He seemed sweet and he was cute and not at all super flirty or mackin on me hard. haha. So I initiated contact, told him I wasn't usually like that, I'm sorry if I came on too strong, I wanted to help him out, blah blah blah. Just wanting him to know I was not crazy.. Well we went to a movie, most awkward time of.my.life. The bestie calls and asks how it went, I without hesitation said, we're just gonna be friends, he didn't even act remotely interested. I flirted and he didn't even try anything back!!! Total confusion. Well the next couple days went by and we were texting and I was a giddy little girl. And we hung out again, this time I got to meet an ex-girlfriend of his who was in town. My little mind thought, ok, using me to make her jealous? or wants a distraction so he doesn't have to stay long? Either way I was kinda bummed but I found it hilarious. It's what a friend is for right? Well we went to a small party where he met my best friend Jenna and her boyfriend Christian. He was so scared. But I wanted to see if the movies was really quite possibly the most awkward first date place ever. So went went and had a blast. They liked him and I was starting to feel something for this guy. I had found one that was different, and treated me like a person not like "arm candy". We were practically inseparable. He left for a weekend to spend with his grandparents and when he came back he asked me if we could make it official. The next weekend he went to Destin with some old friends. That was crazy how much I missed someone after such a short time of dating. We were so spoiled the first month of dating after he got back we were together all the time, after I would have classes before and after work, it was amazing. Well after being completely spoiled and talking and really getting to know each other I had this feeling after a few weeks. I couldn't explain it. It was a burning in my chest and thoughts in my head were swarming, and a butterflies on crack feeling in my tummy. I didn't know what I was feeling. At all. I was confused and started to act different around him because I was scared. I was scared I'd fallen too fast and too hard and didn't think that after one month you could fall in love with someone, that's right I said it, LOVE. That big L word. We were watching (well talking through) a movie when he rolled over and looked at me point blank and said what is wrong? It was the day before we'd been together an official month and I looked him in the eye and started tearing up and finally gathered my courage and said it's ok if you don't feel the same but I've never been in love, Landyn, but this is what it's supposed to feel like. I love you. That boy hugged me tight and said it's ok, I love you too. Everything in me exploded. I felt higher than a kite I felt like nothing could go wrong. The girl who had avoided love or anything close at all costs found it, and it wasn't a secret, and this girl was loved back. I can't explain that moment even as I relive it right now. All the joy that comes with finding someone you believe is the right one for you, it is mind blowing.
So he gets a job, in Lebanon, working from 8-5 and having to wake up at 5am and go to bed around 10-11 messed with our staying up til 2 or 3 in the morning usual routine. I was deprived of something I had taken for granted. I wanted it to work, he thought it'd be best if he moved. It broke everything in me when he told me we couldn't work from a distance. He broke up with me, well the next day I went to his house to take stuff back and ended up talking to his mom and sister and playing with his little brother for 6 hours. I knew he would find out, and I knew I'd be in trouble. I was right. He was mad. What did I do? I found out where he was, (Lowe's) I pulled right behind his truck rolled down my windows and blasted "I Won't Give Up" by Jason Mraz. Our song, and you know what we had discussions and a few arguments and I would make sure he knew I wasn't giving up. He bent down to the window and I was crying and he kissed me, everything in me knew from that moment, we'd be alright. We had a talk when we got back to his house and really tried to make it so everything would work out. He decided I was worth it to stay. He wanted to stay, for me. He will never know how happy I was because I needed him. Not because Jenna left for Spain but because I felt completed around him like nothing could tear us apart. There was no better feeling in the world than wanting to make it work, and feeling like he did too. We made a trip to Scott County, TN. Oneida is where his Gran lives, Tom Chitwood. Nothing could have made that trip better. We had beautiful pictures made and Seriously, the entire way back I just felt comfortable, and at ease with him around. I was still scared to mess up, who likes being broken up with, but I didn't feel that threat so everything felt right. We would have little scuffles but it happens... I made him a picture book with our newly made pictures and some we'd just taken on his phone. That was something I'd never done, and I wrote him a promise on the back, and I wanted him to know anytime we got in a fight if he read that I felt we could make it through anything. And we overcame quite a bit in a short two month time span. Then we got in our biggest fight and I left. I ran. Something he'd kept me from doing for so long and I left. It was a huge misunderstanding and communication problems. So I wrote the blog titled "The First Cut is The Deepest" talking about being in love the first time. And how it hurts the most when you feel like it's gone. He read it. He cried and he called me and needed me. He wanted to talk and make it all better. He was off work the next week and asked me for a trial run. Where he could treat me better than ever and prove to me he would put forth his 100%. I love him, so of course I say yes. It wasn't fast or easy but I did it. Two days later we were off to Destin for part of the week. I was on edge I admit, and nervous. I did not want him thinking I took him back so we could go on this trip. And he would sped money on me. I've never been that way and I'll never be that way. But that four days was a four days of healing. And I felt he meant what he said that he would change. And he did. We began our gospel meeting when I got back and he and I aren't on the same page religiously, we believe two total separate things. So he was never able to meet the "grandpa" I talked about before. We broke up the Monday night after we got back from Destin. I hid something small from him about seeing Jenna when I was staying at a house of ours next door to my own. He overreacted and told me to leave, so after and exhausting day I bowed my head and said ok. I got in my car and drove home. It was the most heart wrenching thing but all I could think was maybe he'll read that on the book and he'll come back. I didn't want him gone, I didn't feel our story was over. I got some bad news that night, from Jenna that had come from a dramatic source that want't true(didn't know it wasn't true at first) and removed him from my life. From everything. But when I found no peace through myself and prayer, after not talking to him for a week I cleaned out my purse and found a paper with all instructions to the condo that I thought he may have needed. He did. He told me to leave it in the mailbox. Well I love his family, I noticed he wasn't home, and I went to the door and they invited me in, I tried to decline but I knew I wanted to go in, I knew I wanted to see if he'd come, if I could see him again and see if my feelings had changed. Well while I was sitting there talking to his mom he came in, once again, he was angry. This time he left and I had a letter for him to read when he got back. He text me about it and I told him I needed to see him and I felt like we had so much to talk about. To hear his side and set the record straight. So I spent 3 hours reading my bible and praying and reading a book called The Begging Place. It's about prayer and finding your way to your begging place, for God's little girls. I was crying and praying and reading and finally I had to take a nap. So I did. He got there about 9 to talk to me. The conversation was rigid at first. But we overcame it and it began to be how every night in our relationship should've been handled when we would argue. It was amazing to see that side. The side of him I knew was in there just scared to come out for fear of vulnerability. And I waited patiently and finally met him. My Landyn. The man I'd longed for. The man I knew this boy could be. And I let my heart be healed and my walls and guards down because at that moment I realized that he was what I wanted and he wanted me too.
I'd love to end this as Nicholas Sparks does and have a happily ever after. But sadly the end is the part that gets me every time. I told him he could stay over that night, but had to leave early because dad passes it on the way to work in the morning ( I know not the best thing I've ever done) I felt awful when I sat up and saw my daddy's truck at ten til five in that driveway. I've never seen my dad so calmly angry. I knew I was in deep trouble. After that perfect night this would only be a fitting morning. Dad told me he'd talk to me about it later. So I made myself sick with worry all day. Trying to talk to Landyn while he was at work and find a way to fix this. I knew it'd take time to be with him again and for my family to accept it. I was willing to put forth the time and effort. I just hate letting my parents feel as if I'm going against them because I know they wouldn't think this was best. Well when me and my dad were home he backed out on the talking and took the cabin key I had and pretty much made it clear I wouldn't be moving in there. I let Landyn know our entire argument throughout the day was pointless. And we talked on the phone for nearly two hours and made our way of starting over. And at the very end I did bring up something important to me and him, our religious differences. Well the phone call ended with me taking a deep ragged breath and telling him I loved him but I want and he deserves to be with someone who will be able to go to church with him and experience all he feels with him and I told him I didn't believe I could go to church without having someone I spend my life with to not share that with me too. And He told me he loved me and goodbye.
I sent him a text of the words I could not muster enough strength to say on the phone. But the crying didn't start until the reply he sent back, that melted my heart and I knew one day he would be the happiest man on earth and have his happily ever after. Even if it wasn't with me. I knew I wanted that for him because he deserved it. I knew I could never 100% be what he needed for the rest of his life. And he did the same for me, and I firmly believe when I see him around my heart won't ache from the bad, it may ache from missing him, but I will be happy to see him and I will say hi maybe even get a hug. And if I ever see him around with a girl I will want to her to know what she's got. And I will expect him to treat her right, but to her she better be what he needs and treat him right, I know what's he's been through and what he's done to help people. When he finds the girl I hope I get to meet her. I want to be introduced not as his exgirlfriend but as a friend because for two months and 9 days he was my best friend.
This man stole my heart in a month but will own a piece of it for a lifetime. You never forget your first love. And I will never for get him. I wish him the best in everything. What he taught me and what he said to me and what his last two texts said I'll never forget. I'll have them in my heart forever. He means everything to me even though it's better for us both to be apart. I will never forget our time together, our love, and what we meant to each other. Because I believe we had a true real love. A love real enough to know what was best for the other and the fact we couldn't be it broke my heart but it made me realize how much he truly loves me. And I can only hope he knows how much I love and care for him.
Well that's my story. I hope you didn't cry too much...
Love,
ME
I love you.
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