Distractions Don't Help...

Reading, Friends, Sewing, Projects with mom, little Logan staying this weekend, and absolutely nothing helps.
The worst is when you know something is the best for both people and you can't let go. I care still a lot. I can't say I care too much because I don't feel like I do, care too much, that is. He's still always on my mind and always in my heart. I honestly don't think this will get any easier. I always feel the need to talk to him or text him. I don't feel like this should be over. I feel like we never finished our time. I thought doing what was best for him would come as easy for me to do. He's been the most important thing to me for so long I feel like going a whole day without talking to him is impossible. I find myself thinking of reasons throughout the day to text him. Excuses, really... but I'm afraid my selfishness is making it harder for him to move on too. And I in all honesty do not want to move on. I want everything I dreamed of to be with him. That's what makes it so hard...  I miss him terribly..  in case it wasn't obvious. He asked me to move on quickly but not stupidly. And I'm doing anything I can make myself feel closer to him when I can't have him. It's not healthy but that's all I want is to be with him how I know we could be, and how we should be.

Heartbreaking. It's killing me on the inside. I get ideas to just go to his house and wait for him to get home. Because I want to see him and hear his voice and get a hug from him so so bad. I just can't get myself to make it harder for him than it should be. I know I need to stop and think about why we ended it, and I do. But I can't help but think about him and want to be around him. This is by far the most challenging thing I've ever done, especially since I want to think about what will make me happy when I'm down, and when T-Rex's picking up basketballs or doing push-ups don't work, my mind instantly goes to him and our great amazing times and I can't help but smile followed by the instant pang of sadness.

Crying doesn't even help anymore. It accomplishes nothing except letting the emotions out. The only thing that makes me feel remotely better is I know I've helped him and i can only hope I made his life better for our relationship. And it's continued until now and will continue. He's an amazing man.
and I miss him, I love him.


Always,

Mychal