I Just Want To Be Better...

-a better person
-a better sister
-a better friend
-a better daughter
-a better Christian
-a better girl
and not have something wrong with my body.

I'm sick and tired of it. I'm gonna warn you this is a crying complaining whining post.

I run. I workout. I play and stay as active as possible. Why can't my body be okay and accepting. It's 1:08 in the morning and I should be asleep. But, everything hurts so bad I can't even get comfortable enough to sleep. I just want to cry, to give up, and stop pushing myself so hard to be "normal" when it's just impossible. I threw the football with my brother after his intramural game and I woke with my shoulder constantly popping all day and it felt out of socket. My knees and hips after running last night are in so much pain I have to constantly shift them. I can't do it anymore. I'm not that strong. I can't even enjoy sitting through a bible study at my house because my chair is not comfortable. This is the worst thing ever. To top it off the Rheumatologist hasn't made my appointment because a Doctor referral wasn't serious enough for him I suppose. He has to check my charts first. I just want to be BETTER.

And the Red Sox lost tonight. I hate the Yankees.

So I'll sit here and ask myself what can I do to be better in those areas? And in my physical condition? I don't stop. I have to be strong, I can't cry, I can't give up. No matter how strong that feeling is I can not bring myself to quit. I'm no quitter. I won't give up.

I am strong enough to change my person, love my family with everything in me, be the best friend I can, give my mom and dad the respect they deserve for raising me for 21 years, I can pray and read and study more, because I need and want to, I want to be a better girl, show the world the name Mychal isn't all Tomboy. I want to believe in myself the way that no one else can. The way no one else has. I have to do it myself. I am a strong woman. I was raised by them and taught to be one.

I will overcome. I am strong.

But then again, who am I kidding?

-ME

"Make the world a better place, punch a Yankee in the face. Go Sox!!"