Godly Therapy:
This week we are having a gospel meeting at church. I promise you this couldn't have come at a better time :) The preacher is Ken Leach. He's the closest thing I have to a grandpa and one of my dearest friends. HE's one of those people who can genuinely listen ( when he can hear you, he's getting kind of old, haha) he can make you cry with his thoughts about you and the truth in the word he preaches and he can make you laugh because he is always telling an old or new corny joke. He is a role model of mine and he has so many great qualities it's hard not to love and respect him. He will be 74 this year and two years ago, when I was as single as ever I saw him in Huntsville AL and asked him to do me the biggest favor when I get married I wanted him to officiate, this brought tears to his eyes and more to mine. He is one of the greatest blessings in my life. And I almost lost him last year. He had a tumor in his intestines and it ate through the wall and his body became septic, it was poisoning him from the inside. Only 8 out of 10 people survive when this happens. And he did. We went to breakfast Monday and he told me that story and told me the moment that came to his mind was when I asked him to perform my marriage. He thought of ME as he was dying. ME! Of all the people that man knows ( he was a referee in professional basketball and is personal friends with team owners, coaches, and some players) he thought of me. He told me how beautiful I was inside and out, he talked to me like talking to his granddaughter about how much he loves me and cares about me and how when it's time to travel from Sun City, AZ to Cookeville, TN he thinks of how he'll get to see me. He even told me how much I inspire him and he looks up to my deep thoughts and how I help him and am one of the best friends he's ever had. Well, God knew exactly what I've been through lately and knew exactly what I needed. Boy, did he give it to me. My spirit is renewed and uplifted and I know the kind of woman I want and need to be and work on becoming. He sent a very special blessing into my life to fill a space that had been voided from my life. I may not get to see him very often and we may not be blood related but it's so much thicker than that, we're connected by Christ. My Father knew exactly what I needed and He provided. I can't imagine how much my heart will ache when he leaves on Saturday but I know I will miss him dearly and I will see him again one day. He is my grandpa. He is a big model of characteristics I want to find in a man one day. His love keeps me going and I know no matter what he is always there for me. We had another great lesson tonight about Jesus, just learning more about our Savior always makes for a great week. It was about Jesus, the Servant, when he washed the disciples feet. It really makes me think about how I treat others and others in my church family. I want to be able to treat everyone the way Jesus treated them. Holding people in higher esteem than myself...and being HAPPY about it!! At the close of every lesson he leads us in number 47, God Is So Good. It makes me sing out and brings tears to my eyes everytime as I think about all I am thankful for and how God has richly blessed me, with a great family, friends and just people who care about me and love me.
"He Saved My Soul, and He Made Me Whole, I praise His Name, I Praise His Name, He's So Good To Me!"
Retail Therapy:
I went shopping today.. :) everyone is having bookoos of sales and everyone needs to check them out. I spent around $100 and got a trench jacket, two dresses, a new backpack for school, some bath and body works goodness, a cardigan and three shirts. It was the best rainy day I've had in a while. I got to spend it with my bestie Jenna and it was much needed.
As Always, Love,
ME
Thursday, July 12, 2012
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
But when you're standing at a crossroad, There's a choice you gotta make.
I will be happy. I can't say I won't miss him, I can't promise I'll never cry for him again. I can say that I will be me, I will have friends to trust and fall back on. I will pray everyday for him and for me and that we can both live our lives to best potential possible. And I know I will be OK.
Falling in love was the hardest and easiest thing I ever let myself do. Now I have to learn to reverse back out of the mess it became. I myself don't know how you fall in love in a month but it happened. Never once did I doubt my feelings for him. But I can only handle so much before I shut down to any feeling at all. I hit that and I hit it hard. I want to sincerely thank him for making a strong effort to make everything better and to treat me how he should have from the beginning, but I believe it came too little too late. A part of me feels awful that I couldn't do more but after hearing some eye opening things that happened recently and throughout the relationship I could never and will never go back. I will always hold him in my heart as my first love. And I will think of him everyday when I hear certain songs or when I see little things or I'll just think of him because I did 24/7 for so long. All that will fade in time and I know this. But I also know God has bigger plans for me and I need to trust in Him. Giving up is not the way to go but giving time is. Truly working on myself right now is priority and that's my plan. You can't go looking for it you have to let it find you. I've had time for lots of deep thinking lately and lots of deep writing (obviously). And conclusions I've come to are big ones, and I'm going to be a different person. For the good and better of course, but when things happen you can't let them get you down. Keeping my head up and standing tall and moving on with my life is the best thing I can do. Waking up every morning and knowing I have a whole day of my life ahead will keep me optimistic and happy. I know I will be just fine, it just takes some time to heal.
Love,
ME
I guess it's gonna have to hurt, I guess I'm gonna have to cry, And let go of some things I've loved, To get to the other side, I guess it's gonna break me down, Like falling when you try to fly, It's sad, but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life, Starts with goodbye. --Carrie Underwood "Starts with Goodbye"
Falling in love was the hardest and easiest thing I ever let myself do. Now I have to learn to reverse back out of the mess it became. I myself don't know how you fall in love in a month but it happened. Never once did I doubt my feelings for him. But I can only handle so much before I shut down to any feeling at all. I hit that and I hit it hard. I want to sincerely thank him for making a strong effort to make everything better and to treat me how he should have from the beginning, but I believe it came too little too late. A part of me feels awful that I couldn't do more but after hearing some eye opening things that happened recently and throughout the relationship I could never and will never go back. I will always hold him in my heart as my first love. And I will think of him everyday when I hear certain songs or when I see little things or I'll just think of him because I did 24/7 for so long. All that will fade in time and I know this. But I also know God has bigger plans for me and I need to trust in Him. Giving up is not the way to go but giving time is. Truly working on myself right now is priority and that's my plan. You can't go looking for it you have to let it find you. I've had time for lots of deep thinking lately and lots of deep writing (obviously). And conclusions I've come to are big ones, and I'm going to be a different person. For the good and better of course, but when things happen you can't let them get you down. Keeping my head up and standing tall and moving on with my life is the best thing I can do. Waking up every morning and knowing I have a whole day of my life ahead will keep me optimistic and happy. I know I will be just fine, it just takes some time to heal.
Love,
ME
I guess it's gonna have to hurt, I guess I'm gonna have to cry, And let go of some things I've loved, To get to the other side, I guess it's gonna break me down, Like falling when you try to fly, It's sad, but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life, Starts with goodbye. --Carrie Underwood "Starts with Goodbye"
Sunday, July 8, 2012
The Sweetest Thing You'll Ever See...
...in the whole wide world is a happy girl. - Martina McBride
And I'm glad I've made it. Sometimes it takes a little going down before you can go back up. Honey, let me tell ya I've been up and down and everywhere in between recently. And I wouldn't change a thing. It's made me go a little further in my life and be a much happier person. In everything in general I'm just happy. I know things are never going to be perfect, but I love it that way.
I feel much better about myself and life decisions lately. Praying has been getting me through so much. Even if I just say thank you. Sometimes it's all I need.
I just got back from Destin with Landyn. (My ex boyfriend) It was honestly the best time ever and I can tell he's serious about keeping me now. We're in a small trial run period. Not "dating" but were just with one another. It's kind of a start over. My walls aren't torn completely down but he's taken down more than he knows. Going from paradise beaches back to reality is where the real test is though. I know we can make it through it and I know he'll keep his promise to me and I will to him.
This is a happy but tired post. running on four hours of sleep and getting up good and early to go to breakfast with a hero of mine, the closest a man has ever been to being my Grandpa, his name is Ken Leach and he's a preacher from Sun City, AZ. He's in Cookeville for a gospel meeting and staying at my house, in my room actually. It's been two years since I've seen him, I'm so glad he's here! Anyway, time for bed. Cracker Barrel is hollerin' my name!! :)
Love,
ME
And I'm glad I've made it. Sometimes it takes a little going down before you can go back up. Honey, let me tell ya I've been up and down and everywhere in between recently. And I wouldn't change a thing. It's made me go a little further in my life and be a much happier person. In everything in general I'm just happy. I know things are never going to be perfect, but I love it that way.
I feel much better about myself and life decisions lately. Praying has been getting me through so much. Even if I just say thank you. Sometimes it's all I need.
I just got back from Destin with Landyn. (My ex boyfriend) It was honestly the best time ever and I can tell he's serious about keeping me now. We're in a small trial run period. Not "dating" but were just with one another. It's kind of a start over. My walls aren't torn completely down but he's taken down more than he knows. Going from paradise beaches back to reality is where the real test is though. I know we can make it through it and I know he'll keep his promise to me and I will to him.
This is a happy but tired post. running on four hours of sleep and getting up good and early to go to breakfast with a hero of mine, the closest a man has ever been to being my Grandpa, his name is Ken Leach and he's a preacher from Sun City, AZ. He's in Cookeville for a gospel meeting and staying at my house, in my room actually. It's been two years since I've seen him, I'm so glad he's here! Anyway, time for bed. Cracker Barrel is hollerin' my name!! :)
Love,
ME
Monday, July 2, 2012
First Cut Is The Deepest
Thanks for the warning Sheryl.
The long drawn out rant of a girl left behind and finally bowing out of this "love" business.
I'm by no means a crier. I'm a puncher, thrower, screamer, and a yeller. Most of all I'm a runner. I don't know why I run, I guess it's the easiest. When you run you can run toward something or away from something, set a goal and reach it or just run to run. I run away from feelings, I always found myself "invincible" to the feelings a normal girl should this whole "puppy love" in high school was never my thing. My first boyfriend didn't come til college and even then he only lasted a week, so did the next and some even shorter. My longest record is just under 3 months. I'm afraid of commitment. (There I said it, it's out) Things like that terrify me. The thought of love and heartbreak, of marriage that could lead to divorce the wrong choices. The fights and ache. I just never ever honestly wanted to feel it.
From the time I was 9 years old I was losing important people around me. I girl I looked up to died in a car accident, my favorite uncle committed suicide, in the same week. Sure I had a great childhood with friends, activities, both my parents and a lot of family. But something's always been missing in my life. I'm yet to find what it is, but I know what was added. A fear. Abandonment, most likely. I've had people leaving, dying or going away from me what feels like my entire conscious life. I never learned to deal with it so I became afraid of it. Afraid of someone important to me and my life going away, passing away, just breaks my heart. I something I never learned to cope with and now, tonight, I really really realize this as I begin my new chapter in life. A successful one. An adult one.
This month is the last one I have as 20 years old. And as I turn 21 I plan to make lots of changes. I've already made a few. I quit biting my nails after 20 years. I found a relationship and put everything I knew how to put in it and gave it my 100% and I find myself tonight feeling low, inadequate, and plain unlovable. When I began thinking about relationships I decided that's how I would go after them with my whole heart. Sometimes I'm not sure how to always show it and sometimes I screw up and cause things to go completely wrong, but who doesn't? No one's perfect and I'm not going to sit here and claim to be. But the one thing I know is when I do anything I do it with all of my everything in me. Eccl. 9:10 - Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might. For there is no wisdom, knowledge or teaching in death where you are going. Yeah, that is how I do things. So when I get hurt, it hurts everything, my heart, soul and body.
I was a closet romantic. Believing in romance was only found in my Nicholas Sparks books. I am a realist. Things like The Notebook just plain and simple don't happen to run of the mill ordinary girls like me. So being a closet romantic is out for me. I'm done. Love comes and it goes and when it goes it hurts, and nothing can fill the space of the addiction. I found this out the hard way. When I say I'm a realist, I just know what to expect and what not to get excited about. Well I don't know how and I fought the feeling as long as I could, but after spending almost everyday with a guy I had known for a month and a half (half the month we weren't dating) I fell in love. It was one of those "can't eat, can't sleep, over the fence world series kind of thing". Truly I never knew it could ever happen to me. I see it everyday around me. With two of my best friends getting married and countless that already have been and a bestie who's had a boyfriend 3 years I know that love exists. Feeling it however had never happened to me before. Let me tell you, I was scared beyond belief. And he knew something was up. I told him and what do you know, that boy loved me back! He did more for me than he'll ever know. We fought. Oh, we fought. But he didn't let me run, he didn't freak out too bad when I cried. He wanted to hold me when I did. And he was who I wanted there, even if it was him who made me cry. And always when we'd fight I could only think of a cheesy line from, none other than, The Notebook, "They didn't agree on much. In fact they rarely agreed on anything. They fought all the time and they challenged each other everyday... But in spite their differences, they had one important thing in common, they were crazy about each other." That kept me going honestly, it could happen even if we fought like complete opposites, that we were, I knew I loved him and he loved me. Don't get me wrong, I love Nicholas Sparks, I love The Notebook, both the book and the movie. But I believe finding love out me in a fairytale land and I had to hold on to this love like I could never find another. I did. I believe it drove him and I apart. This all leads me to say, I believe in love. I know what it feels like but now and as of Saturday I know what it feels like to be broken. To be picked up with a few scratches and dents and to be slammed down like glass on concrete. For a long time there will not be a minute that goes by that I won't think of him. All our potential everything we could have been. And I will smile and I will miss him with all of my broken worn out fragile heart. Even though he's the cause for the breaking I feel as if he can be the only balm.
I have a thing, it makes me uncomfortable. Touch. People who I don't know touching me, drives me insane. My brother and my best friend are seriously the only people I can stand to hug me hen this feeling goes on hiatus. Oh, and him. His hug sends calms through my body and my nerves are suddenly at ease. I hate this truth.
I'm learning to get better. I need a change for no one but myself. I've been an emotional doormat for everyone around me. I've been run over stepped on and kicked out of the way for people my whole life. I put others first. That's not a bad thing right? Right and Wrong. You have to know where to put yourself, God is first and family is second but you need to be somewhere in between. For the first time in my life I'm going to think of me. What makes ME happy. What makes ME uncomfortable. What make ME, well me. The journey of myself begins today. With all feeling gone I begin to live for me. (and God) Attaching myself to things has been my biggest difficulty, and today I proclaim myself as a wall and a guarded heart. Yes, I'm afraid of being hurt, but what's life without risks? I have to do things for me. If its not making me happy, I won't do it. If it's not making me a better me, I'm done with it. That's the new me. The new me is going to get out there, have friends, and make some great memories. I'm going to do this independently. I don't need someone or something to make me happy. I am happy. It's not a destination it's a way of life. When you stop searching for it it comes to you softly like a butterfly landing on your shoulder. And everyday will have a good heck, even great quality about it. And that is my promise. Not to you. But to me. Because I matter. I need to stop looking for someone to tell me I matter, I need to matter to myself. And that's exactly what I plan to do.
It all makes sense what I need to do. So here is me. Doing it.
Love
ME
"Summer romances begin for all kinds of reasons, but when all is said and done, they have one thing in common. They're shooting stars, a spectacular moment of light in the heavens, fleeting glimpse of eternity, and in a flash they're gone."
The long drawn out rant of a girl left behind and finally bowing out of this "love" business.
I'm by no means a crier. I'm a puncher, thrower, screamer, and a yeller. Most of all I'm a runner. I don't know why I run, I guess it's the easiest. When you run you can run toward something or away from something, set a goal and reach it or just run to run. I run away from feelings, I always found myself "invincible" to the feelings a normal girl should this whole "puppy love" in high school was never my thing. My first boyfriend didn't come til college and even then he only lasted a week, so did the next and some even shorter. My longest record is just under 3 months. I'm afraid of commitment. (There I said it, it's out) Things like that terrify me. The thought of love and heartbreak, of marriage that could lead to divorce the wrong choices. The fights and ache. I just never ever honestly wanted to feel it.
From the time I was 9 years old I was losing important people around me. I girl I looked up to died in a car accident, my favorite uncle committed suicide, in the same week. Sure I had a great childhood with friends, activities, both my parents and a lot of family. But something's always been missing in my life. I'm yet to find what it is, but I know what was added. A fear. Abandonment, most likely. I've had people leaving, dying or going away from me what feels like my entire conscious life. I never learned to deal with it so I became afraid of it. Afraid of someone important to me and my life going away, passing away, just breaks my heart. I something I never learned to cope with and now, tonight, I really really realize this as I begin my new chapter in life. A successful one. An adult one.
This month is the last one I have as 20 years old. And as I turn 21 I plan to make lots of changes. I've already made a few. I quit biting my nails after 20 years. I found a relationship and put everything I knew how to put in it and gave it my 100% and I find myself tonight feeling low, inadequate, and plain unlovable. When I began thinking about relationships I decided that's how I would go after them with my whole heart. Sometimes I'm not sure how to always show it and sometimes I screw up and cause things to go completely wrong, but who doesn't? No one's perfect and I'm not going to sit here and claim to be. But the one thing I know is when I do anything I do it with all of my everything in me. Eccl. 9:10 - Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might. For there is no wisdom, knowledge or teaching in death where you are going. Yeah, that is how I do things. So when I get hurt, it hurts everything, my heart, soul and body.
I was a closet romantic. Believing in romance was only found in my Nicholas Sparks books. I am a realist. Things like The Notebook just plain and simple don't happen to run of the mill ordinary girls like me. So being a closet romantic is out for me. I'm done. Love comes and it goes and when it goes it hurts, and nothing can fill the space of the addiction. I found this out the hard way. When I say I'm a realist, I just know what to expect and what not to get excited about. Well I don't know how and I fought the feeling as long as I could, but after spending almost everyday with a guy I had known for a month and a half (half the month we weren't dating) I fell in love. It was one of those "can't eat, can't sleep, over the fence world series kind of thing". Truly I never knew it could ever happen to me. I see it everyday around me. With two of my best friends getting married and countless that already have been and a bestie who's had a boyfriend 3 years I know that love exists. Feeling it however had never happened to me before. Let me tell you, I was scared beyond belief. And he knew something was up. I told him and what do you know, that boy loved me back! He did more for me than he'll ever know. We fought. Oh, we fought. But he didn't let me run, he didn't freak out too bad when I cried. He wanted to hold me when I did. And he was who I wanted there, even if it was him who made me cry. And always when we'd fight I could only think of a cheesy line from, none other than, The Notebook, "They didn't agree on much. In fact they rarely agreed on anything. They fought all the time and they challenged each other everyday... But in spite their differences, they had one important thing in common, they were crazy about each other." That kept me going honestly, it could happen even if we fought like complete opposites, that we were, I knew I loved him and he loved me. Don't get me wrong, I love Nicholas Sparks, I love The Notebook, both the book and the movie. But I believe finding love out me in a fairytale land and I had to hold on to this love like I could never find another. I did. I believe it drove him and I apart. This all leads me to say, I believe in love. I know what it feels like but now and as of Saturday I know what it feels like to be broken. To be picked up with a few scratches and dents and to be slammed down like glass on concrete. For a long time there will not be a minute that goes by that I won't think of him. All our potential everything we could have been. And I will smile and I will miss him with all of my broken worn out fragile heart. Even though he's the cause for the breaking I feel as if he can be the only balm.
I have a thing, it makes me uncomfortable. Touch. People who I don't know touching me, drives me insane. My brother and my best friend are seriously the only people I can stand to hug me hen this feeling goes on hiatus. Oh, and him. His hug sends calms through my body and my nerves are suddenly at ease. I hate this truth.
I'm learning to get better. I need a change for no one but myself. I've been an emotional doormat for everyone around me. I've been run over stepped on and kicked out of the way for people my whole life. I put others first. That's not a bad thing right? Right and Wrong. You have to know where to put yourself, God is first and family is second but you need to be somewhere in between. For the first time in my life I'm going to think of me. What makes ME happy. What makes ME uncomfortable. What make ME, well me. The journey of myself begins today. With all feeling gone I begin to live for me. (and God) Attaching myself to things has been my biggest difficulty, and today I proclaim myself as a wall and a guarded heart. Yes, I'm afraid of being hurt, but what's life without risks? I have to do things for me. If its not making me happy, I won't do it. If it's not making me a better me, I'm done with it. That's the new me. The new me is going to get out there, have friends, and make some great memories. I'm going to do this independently. I don't need someone or something to make me happy. I am happy. It's not a destination it's a way of life. When you stop searching for it it comes to you softly like a butterfly landing on your shoulder. And everyday will have a good heck, even great quality about it. And that is my promise. Not to you. But to me. Because I matter. I need to stop looking for someone to tell me I matter, I need to matter to myself. And that's exactly what I plan to do.
It all makes sense what I need to do. So here is me. Doing it.
Love
ME
"Summer romances begin for all kinds of reasons, but when all is said and done, they have one thing in common. They're shooting stars, a spectacular moment of light in the heavens, fleeting glimpse of eternity, and in a flash they're gone."
Friday, June 29, 2012
Let Me Tell You About My Best Friend
On June 2, 2012 I began the longest journey my emotions had ever been on. My bestie Jenna flew out to Spain for study abroad. She was gonna be gone until June30/July1. Time is so messed up travelling across the world. It has been a crazy month but I survived, as did her poor boyfriend... haha. I'm ready for her to be home and its single digit days. Actually down to tomorrow. YAY! Seeing as she's one of the few friends I have that I see more than a couple times every few months I'm ready to have her back. We've been best friends for five years this past Spring. We're complete opposites but I guess that's how we stay so close, we kind of balance each other out. She's my rock and gives some of the best advice ever. I honestly have no idea what my life would be like without her. She can be a selfish diva at one minute and change at the drop of a hat if she's needed. She taught me style confidence and to love myself and embrace my beauty. I love this girl. From soccer to shopping we seriously do everything together.
:)
love ME
:)
love ME
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Living in The Face of Reality
"She's the only dream I've had that didn't die in the face of reality" - Gone With The Wind
I read my last post and it brought me to tears. I have been trying so hard to keep that up and those goals and I needed to be reminded of that today.
Today is Wednesday June 27, 2012. And my life has been through many things since October 13, 2011.
Let's just say this year has started off and continued to go much better than the last. Let me catch you up. :)
January: New year, New beginning. I did lose an amazing friend, her name is Jolee Tarrant and she was one of the lovely ladies I lived with my last semester in Florida. She and my other roommate Hayley Mann were in Hayley's car and were going for tea and they were hit on the passengers side by a tow truck. Jolee died instantly and Hayley was unconscious and was hospitalized. I had to fly down to Tampa for a memorial service for her before they flew her back to California, where she was from. I met her whole family, mom and dad (for the second time) her older brother and her younger twin sisters. After this happened I wasn't sure how this year could go well after something so devastating had began it. But Jolee liked a challenge and liked when obstacles were thrown her way so she could rant rave whine and complain, but overall she could get through them. And that's the mindset I took. Look for the good in this situation. Heaven has a lovely new face up there and I got reunited with my old roommates and friends. This girl can bring people together without being here. I love her and miss her so much.
February: My life in one word. School. Work. That is all I did. Oh and counting the days until Spring Break. Oh and I was approved to coach high school boys soccer, my brother's senior year and make $500. I'll take it. :)
March: SPRING BREAK!! I flew to Tampa to see all my friends again. I was glad to see Hayley doing well and happy, for the most part. I didn't even go to the beach when I was there. I stayed with my friend Taylor and we had a blast with two other girls who camp down for Spring Break too. Oh and i got tattoo number two!! Its white and says "M'aimer pour qui je suis" which is "Love me for who I am" in French. You may ask why and its because anyone who knows me knows how I'm not a regular girl. I'm different. You have to accept that. And in French because Hayley, was fluent in French, and Jolee, was learning French, and our dorm was just full of it, French movies, French tv shows, French words, Hayley would be helping Jolee and sit and talk with her for ever it was so pretty and we even had a French bible in our dorm. I love the way it sounds. (Hayley used to translate what Raymond the Firefly said in the Princess and the Frog for me) :) I got a new car too!! A Volkswagen Jetta. His name is Colin. :)
April: I caved in and went to my cousin's 21st bonfire, there I saved a guy, Landyn, from an unwanted girl. We became friends and starting hanging out. We began dating the 23rd. :)
May: My baby brother graduated. Oh my geeze. That was rough. I feel old. Wahhh.
(and Mychal fell in love.) That means there is hope for everyone out there. Just Sayin'.
June: Jenna the bestie, flew away to Spain to study abroad for an ENTIRE MONTH! Well she comes back this Saturday. Thank the Lord. I've missed her. But I've been able to talk and text her so we've been keeping up. But I'm so ready to be home. And I've been working at HoneyBaked Ham for 8 months now. I got a great opportunity from a lady at church, so i gave her a resume and finger crossed and praying hard I get it. I'd love to be out of the food industry. Oh and in 33 days I turn 21. Now my mom feels old. hah. :)
Now that you're all caught up I'll be posting a few pictures and I'll keep this thing up to date.
Love Y'all
ME
Thursday, October 13, 2011
I Never Got To See The West Coast
Well, I am trying this whole writing thing again after taking way too long off of it. Honestly my life in 2011 has to be blatant, it sucked. February is where it all started and things have taken a roller coaster ride since, but who wants to hear how my life has been terrible compared to how I think it should be? Instead of ranting and raving about how life ain't fair or how much has been going wrong, I want to focus on positive things and maybe I can finish this year out on a high note.
The quote "When God closes one door and opens another" has been the way of life for me when I was waiting, quite impatiently in the "dark" waiting for another door to open, He gave me time to think. I came up with a few truths and goals for myself for at least the rest of the year.
-I am the happiest girl you will ever MEET, until you get to KNOW me and my story, not all lives, families or stories are perfect, and no expects you to be, but if your giving someone a first impression might as well put on a smile and leave a good one.
-I smile all the time, mostly for myself to make me happy, but I like to think if I smile at one person a day who was having a bad day and they even smiled back I have made a contribution to this world worth making.
-Make a plan and you better believe it won't follow through or something will go wrong. Make a plan, say a prayer and put your all into something and if God knows it's what you need it will happen.
-Sometimes the people you look up to and love the most are the ones who hurt you the deepest.
-No matter how bad things seem they can always get worse, but they could also get better, much better.
-Sometimes you just have to LET PEOPLE GO, if they come back into your life they are worth having if not, you didn't need them anyway.
-You can't trust people right off the bat, make them earn it, once you break trust that is a long hard road to get back to.
-Prayer is the BEST thing God ever gave us. I mean we get to talk to Him, the being who created us and everything around us. And even God has a sense of humor to answer them, so watch out :)
I found out recently that i had bad anxiety and depression which is strange coming from the happiest most smiley girl you will ever meet but in the thoughts that went through my head about not being here, on earth, wanting to die so that I could go to Heaven away from tears and heartache. I found out that to live not waiting for anything in live but just waiting to die is the worst way to live, don;t get me wrong I can't wait to be in Heaven, but you have a reason you are on this earth, that is to live. If God wanted all angels he wouldn't have created humans. I found out that it was the simple things in my life that kept me going. I have a list, that is not going to be disclosed here, but its a bucket list of sorts and one thing on it is to see the west coast. This is where my title comes in, it's a song that is all about my situation by Emery.(Check it out). I'm tired of being sad and lonely, I want to truly be happy inside and out, so I plan on doing all the things on my list. Even if I fail at them I know I attempted them. I will find something everyday that makes my life worth living and something to be thankful for everyday. Pray for me on my journey.
Remember, I've always been M.E. (Mychal Erin)
(clever i know)
The quote "When God closes one door and opens another" has been the way of life for me when I was waiting, quite impatiently in the "dark" waiting for another door to open, He gave me time to think. I came up with a few truths and goals for myself for at least the rest of the year.
-I am the happiest girl you will ever MEET, until you get to KNOW me and my story, not all lives, families or stories are perfect, and no expects you to be, but if your giving someone a first impression might as well put on a smile and leave a good one.
-I smile all the time, mostly for myself to make me happy, but I like to think if I smile at one person a day who was having a bad day and they even smiled back I have made a contribution to this world worth making.
-Make a plan and you better believe it won't follow through or something will go wrong. Make a plan, say a prayer and put your all into something and if God knows it's what you need it will happen.
-Sometimes the people you look up to and love the most are the ones who hurt you the deepest.
-No matter how bad things seem they can always get worse, but they could also get better, much better.
-Sometimes you just have to LET PEOPLE GO, if they come back into your life they are worth having if not, you didn't need them anyway.
-You can't trust people right off the bat, make them earn it, once you break trust that is a long hard road to get back to.
-Prayer is the BEST thing God ever gave us. I mean we get to talk to Him, the being who created us and everything around us. And even God has a sense of humor to answer them, so watch out :)
I found out recently that i had bad anxiety and depression which is strange coming from the happiest most smiley girl you will ever meet but in the thoughts that went through my head about not being here, on earth, wanting to die so that I could go to Heaven away from tears and heartache. I found out that to live not waiting for anything in live but just waiting to die is the worst way to live, don;t get me wrong I can't wait to be in Heaven, but you have a reason you are on this earth, that is to live. If God wanted all angels he wouldn't have created humans. I found out that it was the simple things in my life that kept me going. I have a list, that is not going to be disclosed here, but its a bucket list of sorts and one thing on it is to see the west coast. This is where my title comes in, it's a song that is all about my situation by Emery.(Check it out). I'm tired of being sad and lonely, I want to truly be happy inside and out, so I plan on doing all the things on my list. Even if I fail at them I know I attempted them. I will find something everyday that makes my life worth living and something to be thankful for everyday. Pray for me on my journey.
Remember, I've always been M.E. (Mychal Erin)
(clever i know)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)